The D Rules!!: Darukah

100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Showing posts with label Darukah. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Day Off Random Shiznit

Howdy! How's work going for y'all? I'm still off work. I had to take the 3 days off last week or else I would have lost them. I'm taking 3 days off this week off just because I wanted to to take it off.

Can you believe I haven't shaved my face all YEAR?! I know it's quite amazing! Especially since I really just can't stand having any facial hair whatsoever. It's just not my thing, ya know? But the good news is that I have in fact bathed a couple of times this year no matter what you heard! I just haven't shaved.

Today, I went to the bank inside the Getto-Fresh in Westpost. Flirted with the lady that was depositing my Darukah checks that I still get from Dorothy B. (grandmother.) But Savannah (I'm not kidding that was her name) was not having any of it. She must be a lesbian.

OH! Did you hear that LOST is coming back in less that 29 days! I'm so pumped I can't even tell you (I think I'll go out and get last season on DVD so I can catch back up. Its been almost a year when we last saw the Losties.

My pal Whitney tells me that, and I quote

"After one of the longest and most painful waits in television history, we can finally say that Lost returns this month with eight new episodes. A viral website launched this week at flyoceanicair.com, and it may provide a few hints about the upcoming installments. In it, a man asks for answers about a missing flight attendant.
If you haven't been watching the "Missing Pieces" webisodes at ABC.com, don't forget to catch up before the Jan. 31 premiere. Also, here's a cute video that recaps the first three seasons in 8:15 (get it?)."

I'll be watching the Webisodes later in the week. Just to see what they're all about.

Faith had an interesting piece about cooking some kind of creepy noodles today. I was going to comment on it but it just got to be too long. So I would like to respond here, if I may.

No? You don't want me to respond to her post? Well, then GET OUT!

Now, I'm just talking to myself and typing it out.

Back to what I was saying.

I can't cook. I've never been taught how too cook. When someone tells me, or the instructions on a box, tell me to boil water, I'm never sure what they mean. Do they just want a small stream of bubbles coming up, or do they want the whole thing boiling over like a mo-fo? I can never tell.

BUT! I can cook Mac and Cheese, I can bake chicken, and I can cook broccoli. (You don't even what to know how many chickens breast (hehe BREAST) I ruined before I got it right.) That right their is a whole meal folks. I like to cut the baked chicken into strips or cubes) and the broccoli in with the Mac and Cheese. Its quite tasty, but not as good as they have at McCoy's. (They put some kind of crazy ass oil in theirs, I don't do that, because of all the calories it adds.) I also like to put hot dogs in my mac and cheese. But, who doesn't do that? I have also read on a foodie blog a long time ago that someone liked to put salmon in their mac and cheese, but that seams a little over the top to me.

That's about it for me folks, talk at you manana! (Didn't know I spoke Spanish did ya?)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Weekend Stalker Update

This weekend will be a pretty good one, I've been looking forward to it for a few weeks now. Friday night Mr. Awesome and I are going down to McFadden's in the Power and Light District to see a local band called The Zero's. You've probably seen them at The Brooksider, or Raoul's Velvet Room. They always bring in the hot chicks so it should be fun. Plus, they're some other bars that will be or are opening that night in the P&L District, so if it sucks we can hit some other bars.

Saturday is the main event for the weekend. It's our November birthday group party and the last of my 3 birthday parties. Where a bunch of my buddies and pals get together to celebrate our birthdays, Scooter, Scooters wife, Harley Dude, Mrs. Awesome (Mr. Awesome's wife), Red, The Queen, and The Hottie, and The D, were all born in Nov of 1970, (best year ever!) well at least most of use were born in 1970, a couple weren't but that's no big deal. We have a private room at a restaurant all to our selves and our own private bar. Then it will be off to Westport, I think, for some more tasty libations! Your welcome to join us out in Westport but you'll have to check the twitter updates for where ever we go, it might not even be in Westport. The after dinner binge drinking location has not been officially announced yet.

Sunday, it's couch day for the Chiefs game.

Those are my weekend plans. What are yours?

P.S. Is this Birthday stuff redonkulous or what? I love it!

My Day Off

Today I took some much needed PTO (Paid Time Off) for my birthday it's going to be a new part of Darukah. I took today, instead of yesterday, off because I had to make sure that the project I was working on was finished yesterday, and that all the "tee's" were dotted and the "eyes" were crossed.

So, today I slept in till about 9, took a shower and was out the door. After having a nice, healthy breakfast of Honey Nut Cheerio's (it's my fav) and birthday cake. I went out to Oak Park Mall to pick up some pants that I had bought last week, and roamed around Macy's for a few minuets but didn't find anything I liked. (But when I got home and checked out there web site I found the perfect jacket to go with a new shirt that I plan to wear on Saturday night. So I have to go back out on Saturday morning. No biggie.

I also stopped by Old Navy and bought a winter jacket that I have been bitching about not having. I bought this one:

So now, I finally have a winter coat (I also bought a scarf) but I still want a leather one. I was only there about 15 min because we men don't "shop" we purchase. We, or at least I, would rather find what I want on-line then go out to the store and buy it there. I don't mess around, I get in, find what I want, and get out. That way there is no over spending. (Yes, I am aware that I am contradicting myself from the first paragraph. I didn't find anything there because I was not prepared to buy anything at there. It was a last second decision to go to Macy's in the first place.)

Then I got may hair cut. The jury is still out if she did a good job or not.

All in all it as a good day and it only took me about 2 hours.

I was talking to my pal Lonnie tonight about all of the days happenings and she suggested that I should wait until Friday to buy any other clothes because that is when all of the really big sales are going to be happening. I was all why then? I didn't realize that it was going to be Black Friday. I told her I was going to get the jacket. But I will wait for anything else.

P.S. Drew Carry is terrible as the host of The Price is Right.

Birthday Day Recap

Yesterday was my birthday. I was out until 2 the night before after the blogger meet up so I was 20 min late for work. Needless to say, I had a lot of work to catch up on when my office phone range. It was my boss and his boss in a conference room wanting me to come see them. "OH FUCK," I thought, "I'm going to get fired on my birthday!"

As I walked to the conference room I was thinking of excuses as to why they couldn't fire me. But I didn't get fired. (WOOT!) It was my yearly performance review. I'm not going to go into all the details of all of the elements that are contained in my review, but overall I scored a 4 out of a possible 5 which puts me into the upper percentile of my co-workers (people that due the same job I do). No one ever gets a 5 out of 5, anyway. (Apparently my reputation at the company is the "Go to Guy" if a project is in danger of not meeting a deadline. Which I'm cool with, it could be the opposite. And I know it's because I'm single, everyone else is married or fucking lazy turds, and they think I have nothing better to do than work.) I'm just glad they didn't check the internet usage log or I would have been S.O.L. Or maybe they did and just don't care because none of my projects have ever missed a deadline or lost money.

So that was in the morning, when I was busting my hump to get my current project finished for a in house review, that was due at 12. I finished it at 11.

That night I went over to Moms for dinner with her and C-boy's family. His oldest daughter Sophia asked me what I was going to wish for in my birthday wish.

Sophia: "Uncle D, what are you going to wish for when you blow out that candles? Cause I know what you should wish for."

Uncle D: "I don't know, what should I wish for?"

S: "A baby!"

UD: "A BABY!"

S: "Yea, a baby!" (laughing)

UD: "Should I get a girlfriend first?"

S: "NO (shouting) just a baby!"

UD: Why do you think I need a baby?"

S: "Cause you don't have one and everyone else does."

UD: "How about I wish for a fast race car?"

S: "NO!! WISH FOR A BABY!" (she shouts demandingly)

UD: "OK, I'll wish for a baby." (I don't like arguing with 3 year old kids.)

S: "I win! Can I help you blow out your candles?"

UD: "Sure"

(I'm not telling you what I wished for.)

As far as presents go, I received gift cards to Macy's, Old Navy, and Nordstroms. The I came home and got caught up on all the Heroes episodes that I missed.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE D!

Look at that sexy sum-bitch right there. Holy Shit! That is one heart breaking S-O-B, right there. And how sexy is that outfit? Can I get any sexier? I think not!

Look at that muscular definition on his baby fat encrusted arms and legs. How turned on are you right now? And those shoes! Are those Zipps!? WOW!! I was a trend setter even when there were not trends!

Look at that those dark deep sensual brown eyes that seem to say, don't worry young lass I won't hurt you...much.

Are you as creeped out as I am right now?

So yea today is my 37th birthday, but I think I can pull off 28 or 26. What do you think?

I include this one from last nights blogger meet up, cause it makes me laugh.

Here are some Birthday tunes for you.

SeeqPod Music beta - Playable Search

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Coming Up This Week

This week will be really busy for me at the office. Monday I have a 100% submittal due to the customer. I'm also having lunch with our Board of Directors. Or I should say all the company veterans are having lunch with them. But I'm telling everyone that it's just me so they think I'm sort of a big deal (which as we all know I totes am) I'm hoping for a free tee shirt out of the gig too. All over our buildings, or at least in my building, I would assume they would be in the other buildings too, are these posters with a group shot or all of us veterans.

Last week I was put in charge of all the CAD work that is required for the renovations we are doing in our building. Some more divisions are moving over here and now we have a lease on the entire building. Before my division only occupied the 2nd and 3rd floors. The problem is that there is a lot of work to do and only 4 days to do it so I'll be working a lot of overtime this week. Which sucks because my birthday is Wednesday, have I mentioned that?

Tuesday is the Blogger meet up at McCoy's. Wednesday is dinner with the family.

Thursday I'm off work, and hope to buy a new winter coat. I'm looking for a good leather one like one of these.

Which is your choice? Don't like any of them? Have other suggestions? Let me know in the comments or email your suggestions them to me.

Friday is the submittal for our building renovations.

Saturday, is another birthday party for me. Let me explain, the majority of my friends were born in November so every year for the past six or seven years we have all gotten together to have one big bash. Last year we had it at the Bulldog, one year we reserved the entire upper floor of the Grandfalloon on the Plaza. We also used to have it the day before Thanksgiving but as people get older and start having more kids it got to be too much of a hassle to try to get everyone together while still keeping there own family obligations. We usually have about 25-30 people there but since we moved it they will probably be even this year.

Did you know this was my 400th post? So YAY!

Sunday Random

Friday night I stayed in and watched Knocked Up (the un-rated HD version), it's the first time I had seen it, and I enjoyed it immensely.

Saturday night the fellas and I went out to celebrate my birthday. We meet all meet up at Tanners in Waldo, were we ate and watched KU become the only unbeaten team in college football. Then we bar hopped to Bobby Bakers, Fins and then Lew's. Good time was had by all, I just wish I could remember most of it.

But I did snap this pic at Tanners

Sunday the Chiefs lost. They should higher Bill Cowher next season. Then I took a nap.

I'm WAY behind on the Darukah gifts, this week I have gotten e-cards from Spyder and Waldo Oiseau. I also received a keg of beer from KC Beer Blog and was drop kicked by Chimpote both via Face book. And comments from Nightmare, Cate KC Sponge, Spyder and Doc. I also received a e-card from my pal Abby. Thanks to everyone for all those Darukah gifts I really appreciate them. I'm sorry if I forgot anyone.

Peace out!

UPDATE: The World Famous Shea also sent me this awesome e-card from someecards.com.

THANKS SHEA!!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Still Enamored

I'm still considering walking off the job and following this chick on the road. Seriously, how long do you think it would take to max out my credit cards?

This is her on Letterman and when I fell in love with her.

Watch it fellas she's mine.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Darukah Update

Today's, or I should say, Mondays Darukah gifts included a full tank of gas from me too myself, a e-card from Spyder and comments from my Sis, Nightmare, and Doc. And a couple nice comments from people that I know work in my division, but I don't know their names, about my new clothes. A nice text message from a girl telling me the she was going to start working out and she was going to use me as her inspiration. (I inspire people to workout? I never thought that would happen.) And my pall Abby sent me a e-card. Thanks to all you guys for those nice gifts.

See how easy it is people? What's wrong with the rest of you? It takes virtually no effort at all.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Weekend Wrap Up With The D

Friday after having dinner with the family at moms for her birthday I went to Joseph A. Banks at Oak Park Mall. I know I told everyone that I was going to go to Men's Warehouse but on the advice of C-boy and his wife I decided to make a command decision and go with some place I had never been, plus I knew they were having a sale. I try on three pairs of pants and decide to go with the 34" waist. But I wear a 32-33 in jeans so I'm like WTF, yo? Apparently there is no universal size chart when it comes to men's clothes either, so you women aren't the only ones that have to keep track of what size you wear from different designers or stores. I used to wear a 38-40 in dress slacks now I wear a 34" waist. Even though I don't like the pleated slacks I did get 2 pairs (thinking the pleated pants look nicer when I'm wearing a tie, which I have to do 4 days a week for work.) I also got one pair of flat front pants that I wore to the wedding the next day. All three had to be tailored for the length, but I had them put a rush on the flat fronts because I wanted to wear them to the wedding on Saturday.

Then we move on to the shirts I tell the dude that I used to be a 18 1/2"/34-35 before I lost 85 pounds in 14 months. He bust out his tape and then says that I am now a 17"/33. (If you didn't know the first number is the neck size and the second is the length from the wrist to the middle of your back just above the shoulder blades.) So that means that I've lost 1 1/2" off my neck, and 2" off my sleeve length. (Because I've lost 85 pounds in 14 months.) I start digging though the shirts for some colors to go with the pants that I was going to wear the next day. While I'm bent over another salesman comes over and says "Where did you get those jeans." "Umm, I bought them at Banana Republic last march. They're now a little too lose now.", I say. "Na, they look alright." He replies back. I didn't realize it, until I was on my way out of the mall, but I think he was hitting on me. (EW.) At least I think he was, what straight dude would complement another dude about his pants? But I'm totally counting it as a Darukah gift for Friday.

Another unexpected surprise happened when I was checking out. The guy (the one that was helping me not the one hitting on me) asked me where I worked and if we had a corporate account. I told him where I worked and apparently we do have a corporate account which saved me another 20% off the already sale price. YESSS! BONUS!!

Saturday Mr. Awesome and I manned a martini bar at Reggie's cousins wedding reception. I was apprehensive in agreeing to do this when I was first asked because I have never tended bar or anything like that before, but once I got all of the details I agreed to do it. I knew the bride from playing kickball last fall. The evening went off with out a hitch she had left us with all the supplies and instructions on how to make them and how much of each ingredient goes in each one. We only had the supplies for 3 different martinis, Apple, (commonly known as a Appletini), a Cosmopolitan, and a Hawaiian Sea Breeze. The Apple and the Hawaiian were the most popular. But after a few hours of doing it correctly we just started pouring just about any thing in to them. She paid us 50 bucks plus the 10 bucks in tips we made. After the reception we meet up with the EYE-talian at Johnny's on Shawnee Mission Parkway. Mr. Awesome called it quits and The EYE-talian and I cam back to my house and drank all my beer, where we argued about it being the end of daylight savings time I said it was not he said it was, I lost the argument. I then sent out a drunken text message to just about everyone I know. If you got it congratulations, if you didn't then I guess it sucks to be you.

Sunday, I watched the Chiefs lose to the Packers. Speaking of fudge packers what the hell has happened to Nebraska football? And to KSU for that matter? Don't even get me started on Notre Dame. But as long as the Jayhawks win I'm happy. That KU-Neb game was an absolute blow out! 76-39? Did Nebraska even show up for the game. Did you know that that score is the highest combined score in the history of the Big 12? Did you also know that Kansas is now ranked #4 in the BCS? I'm not gonna bag on KSU because you only lost by 11 points, and I don't want some of you dudes to start crying again.

Darukah Gifts: Friday night was the clothes. And getting hit on by some dude. Saturday was a e-card from Spyder (she's totally kicking all your asses on the Darukah gifts people! Ya'll really need to step it up!! Did I tell you this was a competition? No? Good, cause it's not.) I also got a couple of beers from the EYE-talian, and Mr. Awesome. Sunday, I bought myself an egg McMuffin from Mickey D's. And Abby sent me a song.

Have a nice week Ya'll! Thanks for reading.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Weekend Plans

I don't have much time to get this out so I won't elaborate on the plans.

Friday-Dinner with the fam, clothes shopping, binge drinking.

Saturday-bartending at Reggies cousins wedding. Which should be fun because I have no idea what I'm doing. Guess I'll just drink the mistakes.

Sunday-Chiefs game.

Today's Darukah gift: A kick-ass ecard from Spyder and an obscene cupcake from Erin.

Ya'll have a nice weekend. Beware of the drunk text! They'll get cha'

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Well that Sucked

Tonight after a quick 4 mile run I took a shower, ate dinner, then went to the Macy's in Prairie Village for my first purchase of Darukah. That my friends went over like a fart in church. That store has the worst customer service in the history of all customer services ever (at least in it's men's department.)

This is the play by play:

I get there about 8 o'clock, the store closes at 9, you'd think I'd have plenty of time right? If you thought that then you'd be WRONG, DEAD WRONG!

First, I stand around waiting for the lady to finish with a customer. No big deal, I'm a patient dude, I can wait my turn, even though I was missing the KU game on TV, but it was an exhibition game, btw Kansas won 94-59, so no biggie. The saleslady finishes with the dude and tells me she'll be right back.

I say "Great, I got time, no rush."

That was about 8:15. She comes back 20 minuets later! At this point I'm getting a little annoyed. I tell her the whole deal about losing 85 pounds and that I need to get measured for dress shirts and pants, but mostly dress shirts. (I already know that I'm about a 33-32 waist) She tell me that she'll be right back with a tape measure. That was at 8:35-8:40. Remember, the store closes at 9.

After waiting 10 more minuets I say screw her, and start walking around for someone else to help me. The place is deserted. It reminded me of a scene from some horror flick where everyone vanishes off the face of the earth, and I'm the last survivor of some crazy ass nuclear accident, which would totally happen, because I'm pretty much indestructible.

Anyway, as I'm wondering around I think I should steal a wallet. But because I'm a law biding citizen and an honest person I don't steal anything. That and one of my biggest fears in life is getting gang raped in a prison yard.

She finally comes back at 8:55!!!! So I'm thinking "What the fuck lady? Where the hell did you have to go to get that tape measure, Timbuk-fuckin'-tu?? At this point I'm pretty irritated because of all the waiting around (and yes my feet hurt after the run). So I ask her what time it was and what time the store closes and then I just look at her, like WTF with my arms stretched out to my side. "Do you have time to do all of this and then ring it up and get me out of here before say 9:15? "Umm, no" she says. "Great! Thanks for nothing" Then I storm out.

FUCKING LOSERS!

Now, I'm going to go to the Men's Warehouse (unless I get better suggestions) near Oak Park Mall tomorrow. At least I know they will have some decent customer service. But I have to have dinner with C-Boy and his fam and our mom. Mom's birthday was last week but C-boy was out of town so were taking her to dinner Friday night.

Darukah Purchase: 6-pack of Boulevard Wheat.

The Situation

This is the situation people, and it’s a pretty pathetic one.

Here’s a pic of my closet (complete with busted picture frame in the back):

Yes, I have a chest of drawers where I keep socks, underwear, plain white tee shirts, jeans, sweatshirts, sweatpants that sort of clothing. I also have other closets in my house but this is the main closet where I keep all of the clothes that I wear on a daily/weekly basis. Shirts for work, and going out, and basic everyday casual wear. Everything is in there but a few shirts and pants that are at the dry cleaners. Plus this one is in my bedroom. The other closets have winters coats and boxes and other junk.

So that picture is what my closet looked like last year which is pretty much the same today. Now, if I took all of the clothes out of that closet that don’t fit me, and left in the ones that do fit me today this is the result:

Shocking I know! It’s pretty bad, I haven’t bought any new clothes, except for some tee shirts a few months back, since I lost 85 pounds. Those are all tee shirts except the blue striped one in the center. It's a polo type shirt from Old Navy.

And to make matters worse is that I don’t even have a winter coat that fits me! It’s getting pretty nipplely outside if you haven’t noticed, so I need to pick up one pretty soon.

So if you all could be on the look out for some sales for men's clothes in general I would appreciate it.

I’m going out tonight to find some thing to wear to a wedding that Mr. Awesome and I are bartending on Saturday. But I'll save the details of that for the weekend post.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Darukah Begins!!

My calendar birthday month starts Thursday. I know what you’re thinking, who celebrates their birthday for an entire month? Well, I do smart guy, and this is why. First, it's not because I think I'm more awesome that the rest of you, because I'm not, although it might seem like that sometimes. I'm really not any different that the rest of you. It’s because I claim to be awesome, most people don't claim to be that awesome, besides I think it's funny

The second reason I make a big deal about my birthday is because I think of it as a celebration of life, and the fact that I made it another year without killing, or severely injuring, myself in some stupid ass accident like getting an infection from a kickball accident, or falling down running or getting hit by a car. It's also a festival in the hope that I live a whole another year. Because when I go out it’s defiantly going to one for the Darwin Awards. I can feel it!

I don't care how old I get or who calls me old! (yea, I'm talkin' to YOU! 37 is NOT OLD! YOU AGEIST!) Besides, I think age is just a number. It's all about how you feel, and to be honest, since I've lost 85 pounds (and yea I'm gonna keep bringing up that fact, so just deal with it) I feel like I'm 25 or 26. But with the maturity of a 14 year old.

So here's the deal I'm starting something new this year. I'm calling it "Darukah" (pronounce dare-u-kah) think of it as Hanukkah for the Jews only it's all about me The D. (I’m not trying to make fun of the Jewish faith. I’m just stealing their holiday.) But instead of giving each other gifts for only 8 days, I'm going out do them and let all of you (or most likely none of you) give me (myself) a gift for the whole 30 days of November! HOW WICKED IS THAT!

Here's the whole shebang. I'm going to let everyone (or maybe just me) buy me (myself) something different everyday for the whole month of November. That's 30 day's of gifts for me THE D! The gifts can range anywhere from a high five, to hand shake and compliment, a hug from you sexy bitches, or just a card, (online or otherwise) or some new clothes (I’m lost 85 pounds you know), or a king size snickers, or Itunes card so I can get some new tunes in order to increase my rockin' out while at work or running) or I'll let you buy me lunch, or even a trip to Hawaii, it's really up to you, there is no ceiling, (or basement) on the amount you can or cannot spend on me. I’ll even take comments from you lurkers as a present.

So that’s my new birthday idea. It’s pretty sweet isn’t it? Oh, and incase you were wondering you only have 13 days shopping days left.

Peace out Ya’ll! Thanks for reading!!.

Subscribe to: Comment Feed (RSS)

What the HELL am I running from? (2007)

MY AWESOMEST POST EVER!