A few months ago I started to notice that I was getting hits from a blog based out of Minnesota, or maybe it was Wisconsin, to tell you the truth I don’t really know where she is based, it could be (wait for it… wait for it…) Uranus for all I know. I had come to find out that it was a delightful blog called Ms. Momma (she has been nominated for a Bloggers Choice Award for Best Photography Blog so she must know what she is doing).
Anyway a few post back she had a meme sent to her, she did the deal and put it out for people to request an interview from her.
So I requested an interview. (Besides who wouldn’t want to be interviewed by an attractive woman who only blogs while topless, or maybe it’s bottomless, or maybe it’s just while wearing an oversized tee-shirt with my profile pick on it, while staring at a portrait of me she painted on her ceiling (which by the way I bet really creeps her husband (boyfriend, girlfriend, or whatevea, out)… wait, what? I’m getting off the subject here… What was I talking about?
Here are her questions to me, my answers are in a different font than her questions but while I am writing this I have not yet decided which fonts to use so just deal with it!
Q.Your profile says your profession is engineering. Engineers are notorious for having absolutely no personalities and a difficult time socializing. How is it then that you have this amazing sense of humor and the gift of writing about it as well? Did you ever read Mad Magazine?
A. Engineers are known as boring people? How come I was not made aware of this stereotype sooner! I thought I knew about, and believed all stereotypes. (Especially the ones about the Jews and Mexicans) I thought engineers were known for their lack of personalities and no social skills? Wait… you just said that didn't you... o.k., ummm, never mind.
I am not technically an engineer. I am a designer of mechanical systems (which by the way is the only type of manly designer there is, any other type of designer is girly (not that there is anything wrong with that). The engineer decides the size of the duct work or piping and what type of equipment to use. I decide where they go in the building and make sure they all fit. I draw them on the computer using computer added drafting software. I'm also the official company time waster and Screw up. I don’t think I write very well (or is it good, whateva), which is why I apologize for the grammar and spelling over there on the right. I am also super fucking awesome!!!
Yes, I did read Mad Magazine but not on a regular basis, reading is for CHUMPS!
Q. Although I'm a vegetarian, I'm sure someone would be ecstatic to stumble upon your blog and find out where the best barbeque in your home town is. Where's it at The D, and why?
A. Who has the best bar-b-que in Kansas City is a question that men have been fighting wars over, for centuries, it was the cause of that fall of the Roman Empire and I am pretty sure it was the number one reason those STINKIN' JAPS! (as my Papa would say) attacked Pearl Harbor. This is not an easy question to answer but I will do my best.
First off any moron can cook some beef, chicken, turkey or ham, slap it on a bun, dump some sauce on it and call it good bar-b-que. That my friend is NOT the way you judge bar-b-que. You have to judge bar-b-que by a piece of meat that takes talent and YEARS of training and knowledge to prepare and cook. This is why I only judge bar-b-que shacks by one item, and one item only RIBS! Every single self respecting bar-b-que shack will have ribs, if they don’t then get the hell out, FAST!
Eating Bar-b-que in this town is an event it’s self, you can’t just drive thru and get a slab of ribs. It has to be enjoyed, savored, you can’t rush a good bar-b-que meal of ribs. I’m not going to get into condiments such as beans (btw, I thought I would drop this knowledge on ya’ll. Beans, beans are the musical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot! Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart, the more you eat the more you fart! BOO-YA!!) cole slaw, potato salad, and all that jazz. We are only talking RIBS here people!
Some of the more popular places to get a good slab of ribs are, Gates, Arthur Bryant’s, BB’s Lawn Side, Fiorella’s Jack Stack, Hayward, K.C. Masterpiece, Earl Quicks, Rosedale, and Zarda, (they all have some sort of spelling of bar-b-que in the tile and this answer is long enough, so I just dropped it. You can find all of these and more here. I am not going to link to each of them because you can just Google each one of them. Most if not all have a web site that you can order a slab or whatever for yourself and have it shipped any where in the world (even to a Marine in Iraq!). And have it for dinner or lunch the next day if you don’t live in Kansas City.
Now to answer your question, who has the best? For my money, taste buds, and waist line for that matter, I say it’s Earl Quicks I had to link to them because they are my fav ribs. There ribs are sooooo tender you can literally just hold the bone above your head and the meat will just slide off right into your mouth. When I am done eating a slab of these mamajamas, I literally look like Hannibal Lector (in the scene from Silence of the Lambs when he eats that security guards liver) with the sauce all over my face, and even in my hair (and on more than one occasion on my back.) It’s Awesome! I not only have to take a shower after eating a slab I also have to drink a lot of beer but that goes with out saying.
[On a personal note, I actually can’t eat a whole slab of ribs in one sitting. Back in the day (before the diet) I would order a whole slab, but eat only half and save the rest for the next day, and you know what? They were just as awesome!! But sadly I have not had them in about 7 months].
Q. You've been granted an all expense paid vacation to America's Dairyland with me, Ms. Mamma as your host. Do you opt to A.) Go to Lambeau Field for extreme tailgating where the Packers are playing oh, the Chiefs B.) take a private tour of Frank Lloyd Wright's summer home, Taliesin and a couple of local wineries or C.) Go to the Milwaukee Public Art Museum designed by Santiago Calatrava?
A. To answer your question with a question (I know its rude but) is clothing optional on the excursion? I keed, I keed!
Is this a trick question? If I were to choose anything other than Lambeau Field (i.e. the Pantheon of the NFL), all other males of the world would gang up on me, Draw and quarter me, tar and feather me, and make me toss some big fat dudes salad. I would have to turn in my Dude Card! Seriously, how could any self respecting dude not jump at the chance to go tailgate with the second greatest (Chiefs fans are the BEST) football fans in the world? I could teach those
fudge Packer fans a thing or 2 about tail gating.
Q. You portray an extreme sense of animation in your blog. As a child, what was your favorite cartoon character or show? What about a favorite character/comedian from SNL?
A. Not sure what you mean by “extreme sense of animation”, but here goes… Wait, are you making fun of me?
Fav cartoon characters are (in no particular order) Scooby-doo, “rut row raggy”, or ZOINKS!, still crack me up, I always had thing for Velma. But that Daphne bitch was a hor! And we all know Fred was gay (not that there is anything wrong with that, I’m just sayin’). And that jerk–ass Scrappy–doo was an annoying little fucker. I also liked Foghorn Leghorn, (Get away from me kid ya bother me!) that big ass roster (no homo) from the Bugs Bunny show. And that little Chicken Hawk (apparently his name is Henry Chicken Hawk) always put a smile on my face. And for some strange reason Woody Woodpecker always gave me a woody.
As far a SNL goes there were a lot of them. My best memory from the first season is Chevy Chase doing the news, his first line “Hello, I’m Chevy Chase and you’re not” HILARIOUS in its simplicity. And Dan Ackroyd yelling at Jane Curtain, “JANE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT!” But those are all actors. I also liked the actress that played Rose Anna Rose Annadanna. She would get the subject matter wrong and Chevy Chase would correct her and she would say “Oh, O.K. ummm never mind”. HI-LARIOUS!!!! My favorite character would take me some time to think about but in the recent season or maybe it was last season was Amy Poehler as Katlin the little girl who screams “RICK, RICK, RICK”. Classic comedy right there. And you can’t forget about Gumby (DAMMIT!).
Q. You've recently lost a bunch of weight the old fashioned way. That is inspiring in today's climate of slice and dice gastrointestinal surgery. What was your motivation to "keep on keeping on" your way to fabulousness? Any tips you care to share? Let's say you just kept losing weight and the only way you COULD stay at your reasonable healthy weight was to eat only one food, what would it be? (okay, you CAN'T pick beer)
A. My motivation to keep going was that I have not, reached my goat weight. My parents always taught me to be goal orientated. Set a goal and do what you have to do to achieve it. If you did not reach your goal, why not? Did you do every thing that you could have done? Was the goal to ambitious or too lofty? Did you aim too high? Did you am too low?
Everyday I set a goal to get a certain amount of work done at the office, in the eight hours that I am there. If I don’t reach that goal I ask my self why? And I try to fix it the next day. I set this goal on the drive to work. On the way home if it’s a day that I will be running then I set a goal for running usually a better time.
Advise? Weight loss is a mother fucker! I have to constantly tell myself that I don’t need that king size Snickers that’s calling my name, or that I actually DON’T have to eat the WHOLE family size box of Mac & Cheese, or the entire drum of Honey Nut Cheerios. The easy part is the exercise, now anyway, When I first started working out I would be so sore I would just day Fuck it. But now if I don’t work out then I feel that I am cheating myself.
The thought process is easy. It’s simple math if you burn more calories that you consume then you will lose weight. Think about it like this: A water balloon is half full of water. If you keep putting water (food, calories) into it then it will continue to grow and expand (just like your waistline). But if you put a hole in the balloon and drain the water out (exercise) then the water balloon will not grow. If you drain more water out, than you are putting in then the water balloon will shrink (just like your waist line.) If you think of it like that then it sounds simple right? Well the water balloon does not crave burgers, fries, pizza, beer, lasagna, bar-b-que ribs, King size Snickers, and all that other stuff.
Now, that is weight loss, that is NOT being healthy. They are two entirely different things. In weight loss I just looked at the calories. If I wanted to eat healthy I would have looked at the grams of fat, calories from fat, amount of sodium, and all sorts of stuff.
There are just a lot of variables to eating healthy. But the number one rule in weight loss (and any trainer will tell you this) is to burn more calories that you consume on a daily basis. If your trainer does not tell you this then they don’t know what they are talking about and you need to get a new one.
A single food? First off beer is not a food it’s a drink so I can have that too. I might sound a little lame here but I would have to say King Size Snickers and Mountain Dew. Yup I could defiantly eat that forever and a day.
Q. Bonus question: Do you find yourself drawn more to the Weather Channel as you age?
(hey look at that it’s a short answer!!! Yeaaaaa!) And I don’t age I get more awesome!
Would you like me to interview you? I'm down with that so if you're interested:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (If I don't have your email address (and I prolly don't, leave it in the comment section or click on my profile and send me an email)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions*.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. You will not be able to interview me.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
*I promise the first question will NOT be “Will you have sex with me”? I can’t speak for any of the other question though.
Seriously, I will keep all questions on the up and up. No sex questions. Promise.