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100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

VICTORY IS MINE!!

So, ummm… yea… I’m… going to do something really big this weekend. Well, big for me anyway so big that I’m having a hard time getting words from my brain to my fingers. (This is where you say "When do you NOT have that problem?") I’ll get to what I’m doing in a second just bear with me while I explain some things.

It’s pretty much the biggest thing I have ever done. Well, actually it is the biggest thing I’ve ever done. I want my friends and family to come out and watch, and cheer me on, but I really just don’t know how to ask them without sounding arrogant, egotistical, or totally self-absorbed, all of which I am not, I’m only awesome. (Well, maybe a little self–absorbed I do blog about myself after all.) How do you ask someone to come out and watch you do this thing that they really don’t even understand why you’re doing it? Or they think you’re weird, or crazy, for even doing it. Even though thousands, if not, millions of people across the planet do it all the time? How do you ask someone to put their other responsibilities on hold, for a just few hours, so they can take part in seeing you accomplish something that you’ve been working on, for over a year to accomplish? How do you ask your friends and family to put you at the center of attention for just a couple of hours out of their Saturday morning? How do you ask people to come watch you finish the hardest thing you will have ever done in your life and take part in the joy, and share in the excitement of that accomplishment?

How do you get people to understand just how big something really is to you when you have done all of the hard work, the pain, the sweating, the injuries, the cramping, the disappointments, the stress, the anguish, the missing of goals by one pound (UUUGGGHHH, ONE FUCKING POUND!!!) that was all necessary in order to accomplish such an amazing feat? All… by… yourself? How do you get them to understand just how much it would mean to you if they just showed up at the finish line and said “Nice job buddy were proud of you.” How do you get people to understand what you've gone through if they have never gone through what you've gone through the past 14 months?

HOW PEOPLE, HOW?!?!?!

I think the best way to get everyone to understand how big this is for me is to use the analogy of taking a big exam like the SAT’s, LSAT’s, ASVAB, nursing boards, or the bar exam that lawyers take, or your dissertation for a PHD. You study for months, weeks or whatever, and then the day finally comes and you think you’re totally prepared for it. You even took all of those lame ass practice test. Then the day comes and you can’t control the excitement as you just know that you’ve passed the test and now you have your degree in whatever it is you were going for. That day was big days for you right? And you had all of your family and friends there to watch your big accomplishment right? This day is just as big for me as that day was for you.

As my everyday readers know I have been on this “voyage” or “quest” or whatever you want to call it for the past 14 months. To lose weight, A LOT of weight and to start living my life as if I actually wanted to be living it, instead of just meandering though it like some slack jawed yokel. At the start I was pretty miserable for the first few weeks with the constant soreness and the blistering feet from running on the treadmill for what seemed hours at a time.

At the starting point on September 1st of 2006. I tipped the scales at a whopping 250 pounds, my BMI (Body Mass Index) was 38 which is categorized as SEVERLY OVERWIGHT or as my doctor put it MORBIDLY OVERWEIGHT (For my height 5’-8” and age 35 at the time.) I couldn't run one quarter of a mile with our almost passing out. or barfing all over the place. (You can read all about the weight loss by reading these posts. Or reading these post under Fitness)

This is where I started.

Please try not to vomit.

That is one sweet mullet! How jealous are ya right now?


As of Tuesday night October 16, 2007 I weighed in at 164 pounds with a BMI of 24.9. That number 24.9 has been the goal ever since I started. The 164 pounds was the secondary goal, along with overall better fitness. I wanted to get under a BMI of 25.0 because that was the low end of the overweight category any number under that was the goal. I would always ask myself “Self, what is the goal?” And I would answer “24.9, 24.9, 24.9.” But whenever someone would ask me what my goal was I would just say “To be healthier.” (Because I didn’t want to hear anyone say the 164 pounds was too light for my frame. I also didn’t want to hear anyone say that I couldn’t do it. I didn’t need the shitty negativity around me.) As I would answer their question about my goals I was actually screaming “24.9,24.9, Great Ravens Ghost 24.9!!!!” (I actually have that as my screen saver at home.)


Click to embiggen.

Now, 24.9 (FINALLY) puts me in the normal or healthy weight range. I have lost a total of 86 pounds and over 7 inches off my waist. I went from a size 40-38 waist in jeans to a size 33-32 waist. All of this might not mean jack shit to you but it means a shit load to me.

It means that I did this, ALL OF THIS, all on my own, I did not take some crazy ass drug, I didn’t hire a personal trainer, I didn’t read any of those bullshit self help books. I didn’t have any type of life threatening surgery. I didn’t result to tactics that would hurt me nor did I starve myself. I did this by reading what a proper diet consisted of. I found foods that I liked, I determined how many calories I need per day and how many I needed to burn in a day to lose weight. And I found all this information on the internet. Though hours and hours of searching for various food and weight loss websites.

I’m effectively calling a halt to all offensive operations. I am declaring VICTORY OVER MY WAR WITH OBESITY!!! I made obesity my BITCH and gave it a nice anal raping, prison yard style! (No homo.)

And these are the results:






Saturday is the crowning event of all this hard work, the miles on the treadmill, the 4 different pairs of running shoes, the blisters, the shin splints. All of that comes to an end, (for the time being.) Saturday I’m running in the Waddell & Reed Kansas City Marathon. I’m running the half marathon distance, 13.1 miles. This race, this event, is going to be one of the toughest things I have ever done. Sure, I completed Marine Corps Boot Camp but that was easy compared to what this is going to be. What this is going to be is a bitch, 13.1 miles on the mean streets of Kansas City, Missouri.

Remember the poll I had about which saying to put on the shirt for this race. Well here’s the winner!

Pretty sweet, huh?

I took out two of the numbers so it’s harder for you stalkers to find me.

I'll be wearing that shirt on Saturday.

Here’s a map of route:

View Larger Map


Doesn’t that look a lot longer than 13.1 miles!

Use the nav tools in the top left to navigate.

I'll have a total review of the event and how I felt after after the race on Monday night.

Wish me Luck!

Peace out! Have a nice weekend yourselves.

And thanks for reading!

UPDATE: The race startes at 7 a.m I should finish sometime after 9 to 9:30. I should be half way about 8 to 8:10.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 8:09 PM

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