Hospital Hill Run

Howdy Folks, this weekend the highlight was the Hospital Hill Run.

This is now it went down:

The day started bad with the D.C. Krew calling me telling me to get up, they were picking me up at 6 a.m. I had the alarm set for 5:30 and 5:45. I would have heard the alarms but, I woke up at 4 having to piss like a mo-fo and went right back to sleep. I had to piss really bad because I spent the majority of the day Friday chugging water and Gatorade like my life depended on it.

I quickly jumped in the shower while they waited in the living room. It was only a quick shower just enough to get rid of the bed head.

I was planning on getting up and having a good breakfast but ended up not having the time. I just had a power bar on the way to Crown Center. This power bar came with the goodie bag that all of the runners received. Have you ever had one of these things? I had not, and let me tell you that I will not be eating one of those hasty ass things ever again. It was seriously the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. It tasted like pure shit. One of my top ten worst decisions ever!

We got to Crown Center and parked in a surface parking lot. I pinned on my bib number strapped on my Ipod and said good luck to the D.C. Krew. They were running in the 5K (3.1 miles) while I was running in the 10K (6.2 miles). The 10K starting line was on Grand just north of Pershing. Their staring line was on Gilliam and 26^th street I think. Either way they were not together.

As I was walking down to my starting line my stomach started doing a little freak out, which it happens when I get nervous. Butterflies, usually some dry heaving, and lots of farting. But it usually only last a few minuets. I get to the starting area where there must have been 1500-2000 people (I later found out that this was the highest number of runners since 1991). I find a place on the east side of the street and start to stretch out. Paying special attention to my thighs and ass checks (gluteus maximus) ‘cause most of the course was hilly.

After the National Anthem I put on the Ipod. I had made a specific play list for this race. It included such bands as Metallica (obviously), Disturbed, Buckcherry, AC/DC, and other hard rockers to keep me pumped all though the 6.2 miles. As the count down started with 5…4… 3… 2… 1… GO! (Which is weird, you would think they would of said, Ready, Set GO!). I hit play, the mass of runners start to move.

The Music starts to play:

DONG…

DONG…

DONG…

DONG…

(Guitar begins)

CYMBOLS…

Just as I am getting up to speed and crossing the start line where the timer is the drums kick in with an ATOMIC SMASH.

“I’m a rollin’ thunda,
pourin rain,
I’m comin’ on like a Hurricane.
White lights a flashin’ across the sky
your only young but cha gonna die…"

I started with Rock Anthem HELLS BELLS by AC/DC. I get in step with the bass drum.

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

FUCK YEA!!!

I get a good pace down I’m feeling GREAT!! My stomach has stopped freaking out. I have already hit my stride and I am just chuggin’ a long. I am clam, I am relaxed. I'm motivated!

I hit the first minor hill, make it about half way up and I blow a tire, (shoe becomes untied) in front of the Hyatt Hotel. I shoot for the side of the road. For a quick pit stop, with the shoe retied I rejoin the race. I get back in steep with the second song. (I won’t remember any other song until I get to the final mile).

The First Hill - The Back Breaker

I don’t know if any of you have ever ran this race or any races for that mater but this hill was complete and utter bullshit. It started at McGee and Gilliam. This hill was steep and long and it totally kicked the shit out of me. At the top of the hill I was so winded and worn out that I had to walk to get my breath. This was the first of 3 spots where I had planned to walk. I had driven the course a few weeks ago but driving it does not do it justice. I passed the one mile marker and didn’t even notice it. I walked for about 100 yards, caught my breath, and then it was back on, like Donkey Kong.

The rest of the way until mile #4 was flat or just about all down hill or the hills were, minor. I was checking my watch and time at every mile. I ran the rest of the way, to the second hill, at a 9 minuet per mile pace, which is a whole minuet per mile faster than I was hoping to achieve. I was pretty pumped. We then arrive at the Second Hill at the intersection of Broadway and 43^rd Street. Right near the Levee and the Marriott Hotel.

The Second Hill – The Widow Maker

I have one thing to say to this hill “FUCK YOU!” This hill is even more bullshit that the first one. Seriously, what the fuck, are you kidding me? This one was not as steep as the first one but it was probably twice as long. The hill started at the intersection kept going all the way past the Hurricane, and even past the fire station almost to 39^th street before it leveled off. Fuck, who can run up this fucking hill? I thought. I made it up half way and then said “Screw it”! I had to save some energy for the final mile. I walked for 1 minuet, (which is still on the hill) then get back on the horse. I find a good tune in the Ipod and get moving. But at a pace that was considerably slower than I was making before.

The course followed Broadway until we turn right on to 31^st Street. Then a left on Wyandotte toward the Liberty Memorial

The Third Hill – Baby Shit

This is the third and final hill. This hill was the steepest and the shortest. Hence the name “Baby Shit” because it also stunk I walked up this hill just because I knew it was the last hill and I knew I was going to have to practically sprint the final distance. Upon cresting this hill I put on my current favorite song 10,000 Fist by Disturbed. As I was running down the back side of this hill I was frantically searching the Ipod for the song. I wanted to hear this some becasue I think it rocks the hizouse! The beat starts slow and gets really fast, really quickly in to the song.

The rest of the course is all downhill. I just letting gravity take control but I am careful to stay under control.

My finish time was 1:03:35, that’s 1 hour 3 min, 35 seconds. I missed my goal by 1 min 35 seconds.

Here are the official results:

Consequences:

After the race we took a couple of pictures that ended up being crappy so I’m not showing you them. K-Dog tried to get a few of me crossing the finish line but they didn’t turn out. There was some dude that I was passing as I came to the line that was between my brother and me. So those didn’t come out. But there were quite a few photographers on the course so once those a put out I will try to get those posted.

I am totally pissed off and ashamed at my results of this race. I even debated not writing this post. I should have been able to make this course in 1 hour flat or faster. But I did the best that I could do and that is all that I could do.

I’m still pretty sore from the effort I put in, my thighs are sore but my ass checks are REALLY sore. I’m gonna need one of you hot chicks to come over and rub them for me.

Just call first because I HATE the pop-in. I think it’s rude.

Have a nice week and I will talk to ya’ll in a few days.

Thanks for reading!

Whipped Out

I feel like crap today. I am totally whipped out. I can't concentrate I can barely keep my eyes open. I have no strength whatsoever. I feel like my hands weigh 1000 pounds each.

I barley made it up the 3 flights of stairs to get to my cube.

I tried to write a review of the Hospital hill run yesterday but I just can't concentrate. My thoughts are all over the place.

All this even after getting 9 hours of sleep last night.

Ugh, and bleh.

I should have taken the day off.

Pooped

I'm WWWAAAYYYY to worn out for a post. I'm going to bed. The time is 9:40

Random Thoughts, News Break

I am SOOOO bored today.

We had a bar-b-que today at lunch. It was supposed to rain so we had it in our parking garage. 400 people sitting a round a bunch of picnic tables. It was pretty sweet. The group of employees that do the cooking have won contest at the American Royal Bar-b-que, and the Lenexa bar-b-que competitions so it was some good shizznit.

We have a bunch of new inters in the division so the chief division dude made them all get up and introduce themselves. And tell their age or class (fresh, soph…) and what school they were from, the K-Staters got some applause, (and boos as did the rest of the Big 12 schools,) and so did some dude from Notre Dame, but when The KU girl said she was from KU she was almost booed. I being a KU fan, just was not going to have that so I started cheering like it was the second coming of Christ. It was awesome.

************************************************

Announcer dude: “And, now for the news here’s “The D”

“Howdy folks I’m The D and you're not!!”

First up

This TB dude’s wife is hot, even thought you can’t see her face, you know she has big boobies. But does anyone think he really looks like Jim Halper from the office.


While we’re discussing celebrity news, who the hell is this fatty-o:




Dr. Kevorkian is out of prison so I guess you should all RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

I think the Corey sisters (Feldman, Haim) have something cooking but this article is so mucked up I couldn’t tell. Or I got though the first paragraph and just stopped caring.

And now to a travel update here is our Chief Travel Correspondent, Darren

Darren Shouting “THANKS THE D, I JUST FLEW IN FROM CANCUN…. AND BOY ARE MY ARMS TRIED”… (budd bump).

“Seriously folks, Lets get right to the point here. I (or some jerk-off from USA Today) has created one of the greatest list ever created in the history of all list EVER! It’s a list of the top 10 nudie beaches from across the globe. Which is really funny because just the other day I had someone send me some information on their vacation and they mentioned that they were upset that there weren’t any nude beaches around. She was almost in tears because she was going to be stuck with “lame-ass tan lines” as she put it. Well now she can change her vacation.

Darren: “That’s it for travel, The D, back to you.”

The D: “Thanks Darren fascinating stuff. I’m going to have to get that list to Katie tonight.”

Darren: “I thought your wifes name was Mary?”

The D: “She is, I talking about my girlfriend, YOU IDIOT”.

Darren: “Oh, O.K. umm... never mind.”

Darren: “Back to you The D”

The D: Thanks ass-face now I’m not going to tell you how to get a free donut.

Next seasons Heroes had a new character The actor is Dania Ramirez From the Sopranos. She plays the kids ex-fiancé (that bitch broke Tony Jr. heart!!)


And finally tonight, you know you wanted to review the ENTIRE SEASON of LOST. ‘cause you have totally forgotten what happened before the break the season took before Christmas. (I just totally blew you mind didn’t I. You totally forgot about that 6 week break didn’t you?) Well now you can just hit up this dude and read about it.

That’s it for the News,
I’m Audi 5000

The D

Creepy Phone Call

A Phone call today

Co-worker #1: "Dude, what are you doing right now?"

Darren: "Working what do you think I'm doing?"

Co-worker: "We're rubbing meat come down and help up us".

Darren: "Fuck no"

Co-worker: "It's for the bar-be-que tommorrow".

Darren: "I don't care if it's for the fucking president. I'm not helping you rub your meat"

Co-worker: "You blow!"

Darren: "At least I'm not the pivot man in your little circle jerk"

Weekend Plans - Off the Hook! Fo-shizzle!

Sup my peeps! Is everything going well for you this week? I sure hope so if they are not let me know and I will help you out any way I can.

Before I get to this coming weekend plans I just wanted to wish my one and only Big Sis a happy birthday. May 29th was her 38th. This past weekend her and her family (husband and 2 kids) moved to Newton Kansas, which is a small town just north of Wichita. Congrats to them and their new house. More on this later.

This coming weekend is going to be off the hook fo-shizzle!!!

On Thursday my older brother K-Dog and his family (wife and daughter) are coming home for a visit from Washington D.C. I call them the D.C. Krew. And I spell it with a “K” in Krew because that’s how we roll here in the “Dotte” which is Wyandotte County for you out of towners.

On Friday I have my division bar-be-que at work. I am going to eat so much chicken and turkey I bet I start clucking or gobbling. But I’m going to stay away from the beef, and that nasty ass potato salad (bleh!). Sadly, it’s just a lunch thing and they won’t be serving any beer, which totally blows donkey dicks. I’m also going to pick up the packet for the much anticipated Hospital Hill Run which takes place on Saturday. More on this later also.

Friday night is dinner with the D.C. Krew and my younger C-Boy and his family (wife and 2 daughters) at our mothers place in Overland Park. I call him C-boy 'cause he is the youngest of the 4 of us. Plus he hates it and its’ my job as an older brother to harass my younger brother until he cries. Hey, K-dog does it to me why should C-boy have it any easier than me?

On Saturday the D.C Krew minus the 11 month old daughter, Audery, will participate in the 34th Annual Hospital Hill Run, they will be running the 5K which is only 3.1 miles (slackers!) I, being the one in the family that always bites off more than he can chew, and sets goals that are WAY out of my reach, and feels the need to be in a constant competitive state with his brothers, whom I am always losing too, am going to run the 10K (6.2 miles). Which I am totally NOT prepared for. But I will most certainly finish but at what time I am not sure. I am shooting for a time of some where around an hour, which will be tough but certainly do-able. I plan to run the entire route or at the very least run the flats and walk the hills (have you see the first hill on this mo-fo?)

As with all races this race is for charity. The money raised in this one goes to help with the cost of womens test that St. Lukes Hospital does for women, you know all those woman…type…test…and... stuff… Portions of the proceeds from this race will offset the costs of providing services such as mammograms and other health care services to women who lack health insurance or are underinsured. So don’t say I never did anything for the ladies. See all the Charity information here.

Also it would not hurt my feelings one bit if I saw some people some where along the route cheering me on. You can get a route information here and come out and hold up signs that say things like “The D Rules”, and “We love the D”, or “Darren Rules the rest of you Drool!” or better yet “Hey The D, can I perform oral sex on you after the race?” (That one is only for the single chicks and by “single chicks” I mean not married. (wink wink)). Or you can make your own signs that would be fine with me too.

Saturday afternoon I have my company bar-be-que which I have not yet decided if I want to attend or not. We get some free swag so I might make an appearance just to get the free stuff. I hope I get a tee shirt instead of some lame ass coffee mug or thermos. Or instead of a tee shirt I could go for a polo shirt. Something I could wear to the office on Fridays would be sweet.

Saturday night the brothers and I are going to the Crawfish (Craw Fish? Craw Dad? Whatevah!) Festival in Westport. The 3 of us haven’t been out together for years so you ladies better WATCH OUT! When the 3 of us get out and get to drinkin’ it’s always a good time for everyone around. Or we are going to take the family route (kids and wives) and go to a T-bones game. Which means I could actually do both ‘cause the game would be over somewhere around 10 and I could be back to Westport by 10:30 and be wasted by 10:37. Or course this will take proper planning and some pretty inventive lying on my part but whatevah.

I have never been to a T-bones game. But I am looking forward to it. I think I will get sloppy drunk and punch that mascot in the face, just for shits and giggles. I also want to buy a tee shirt, 'cause wearing a team tee shirt is cool any way you look at it, even if the team sucks. But especially if you were it out of town, like the way I am going to wear all my Chiefs paraphernalia when we all go to the Chiefs vs. Bears game in September.


On Sunday I will have to cut the grass, and, if I’m not too hung over we all might go to my sisters’ new place in Newton, Ks. She is having another bar-be-que slash house warming par-tay. That's like 3 bar-b-ques in like 3 days. All these bar-be-ques are really putting a dent in my diet. Or if I’m hung over really bad I won’t do any of that stuff, I’ll just plant my ass on the couch and fall in and out of consciousness.

Yea, it’s going to be one sweet ass-slappin (no homo) weekend. I should out in for P.T.O. on Monday so I can have another day to recover.

What are your weekend plans?

CRIME SPREE!!!

This happend 4 blocks from my house yesterday. I also run past this location in the evenings.

Clip Of The day

I found this clip on my fav web site Best Week Ever.

This is so wrong on so many levels I can't even begin to explain it or make fun of it.

Our Long National Nightmare...

...IS FINALLY OVER!!

I, for one, am glad these bastards found the way home. I'm tired of hearing about them.

I wonder how many people you could feed with one of them?

Now we can get back to more important stories that could be covered like Lindsey Lohan, that Hilton whore, and so many others.

Weekend Happenings

UPDATE # 2" OMG THIS IS FUCKING RETARDED!!! AT WORK I HAVE IE 6.0, HERE AT HOME ON THE PC I HAVE IE 7.0. ON MY LAPTOP I RUN FIREOX 2.0. I CAN'T SEE THE PICS AT WORK. I CAN HOWEVER, SEE THEM HERE AT HOME AND ON MY LAPTOP. IT'S FUCKING RETARDED!!! IF YOU RUN IE 6.0 THEN UPGRADE TO 7.O.

UPDATE: I KNOW THE PICS AREN'T COMING IN I WILL TRY TO FIX THEM AFTER WORK TONIGHT. SO PLEASE COME BACK SOON TO CHECK THEM OUT. IF THEY COME IN FOR YOU PLEASE BE COOL AND LET ME KNOW WHAT BROWSER YOU ARE YOU ARE USING AND WHAT VERSION. THANKS!

Howdy Folks! Happy Memorial Day to everyone, I’m glad you’re taking time out from your bar-b-ques and the whatnots to read my blog. But lets not forget the reason for the holiday. Take a few minuets to remember those service members that have passed away, and those that have served and those that are serving now. Just say thanks.

I ended up not going shopping on Friday but instead just laid around the house doing nothing. Falling in and out of naps, of course that was after I did this stupid thing.

On Saturday I cleaned the house, vacuumed, did laundry and even dusted. And it only took me about 2 hours. I then went to Burts and Lonnies apartment on the plaza to feed their cats. On the way home I stopped by the liquor store and pickup a 30 pack of Coors light for the fellas, and some Bacardi for me. The boys arrived about 4 and I showed them my new monitor and laptop, they weren’t too impressed. They were more impressed that I actually cleaned and dusted the house today instead of just sitting around doing nothing. Scooter was the first to arrive followed by Reggie, Mr. Awesome was running late because he had some family stuff going on that day. So we just sat around shooting shit and having beers. I still have a lot of that 30 pack left (like 20 of them). I always forget that we don’t drink like we used to. We still drink AS much as we used to, but we just do it as fast as we used to, nor as often.

We leave for the game about 4:30 we get Kemper Arena parking lot and see a space that is right on the end. So Scooter gets out and moves some cones so we can have that spot. As we walk up to the entrance there were some National Guard Soldiers showcasing a 155mm Howitzer artillery cannon. Just because I was in the Marine Corps Infantry, those guys think that I know everything about weapons and stuff like that. I certainly know more than them but I sure don't know everything.

We get into the arena as we are walking to our seats the national anthem starts to play we stop where we are in the concourse (as does everyone else). The three of them put there hands over their hearts while I stand at attention and face the music. (That's what we Marines do, we stand at attention, while everyone else put there hands over their hearts while the National Anthem is played). We get to our seats and I but out the camera and start taking pictures.

I’ll let the pictures tell the story.

After this guy signed the ball he tossed it up to us but because I had my camera in one hand and a beer in the other I missed it. The guy in front of us caught it and gave it to a little boy that was seated next to him. Which was the only proper thing to do.


I had to throw this one in just so you know that I was actually watching the game.

Now back to the Cheerleaders.

Those Cheerleaders sure do work hard for there money. Lets all give them a round of applause.

After the game we went to dinner at the River Market Brewery. No real happenings there just talking and joking. The 3 of them had the steak and I had the Chicken and pasta.

We then went to Kelly’s and then to the Beaumont Club.

I told you I was going to hit on some college girls didn't I? What can I say the chicks love the new and improved "Skinny D" as some of my friends call me now. I am pretty sure the blond in the middle is telling me to "Hurry up and take the fucking picture already, our shots are getting cold!" I also don't remember if I bought these shots or not. Probably did.

But then I dropped my pants and they stopped yelling at me and just smiled.

These girls were from a bachelorette party. Which are always fun. But I did have fun spilling my R&C on myself.

These 2 pics are good because, I'm in them. I remember telling these girls that I went to Faber College. Which is really funny because Faber college doesn't even exist. It's the college in the movie Animal House. But they totally bought it. I told them I went there on a scholarship and that it was in Northwesten Pennsylvania. I also don't know why I have money in my hand.

That was my weekend. How was yours?

I'm an Idiot - Reason # 489,472,168

I woke up this morning to the alarm blaring, at 6:45, shaved my face, showered, dressed. Got in the car and went to Quicktrip for some coffee, breakfast burrito, and water, you know, the usual.

I get to work at 7:50 walk to my cube and see a sign on my keyboard that says "P.T.O. Friday, return Tuesday".

I shit. FUCK. I forgot that I took today off. I quickly realize that if anyone sees me then I will most likely have to stay. I literally RUN back to the stairs and bolt for the door, I am running so fast that I am not even touching the stairs I'm just jumping from landing to landing.

Now, I know what your thinking, how many bones did you brake jumping from the last landing to the basement floor. Well smarty-pants I didn't break any bones, in fact I didn't even fall not once. Which I am pretty proud of.

I then get to my car and make like the Indy 500 and get the hell out of there.
I then get home and take off my clothes and go back to sleep.

I seriously can't believe I actually forgot that I had the day off. Does any one else do stupid shit like this or am I abnormal?

Inquiring Minds Want To Know

My sister sent me these questions. Not quite sure why she know all of the answers to them. But I don’t think ya'll do.

Feel free to copy and paste them and put them in your own blog.

Q. What were you doing 10 years ago?
A. Living in an apartment with a roommate in Overland Park, Kansas. Designing fire sprinkler systems for Union Station

Q. What were you doing 1 year ago?
A. Working for the same company I work for now, but NOT designing fire sprinkler systems any more. But still doing CAD drafting

Five snacks you enjoy:
1)Peanut butter and Jelly Sammiches
2)King Size Snickers
3)Cheetos
4)Honey Nut Cheerios
5)Diet Coke

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1)Motley Crue – Home Sweet Home
2)Super Troopers - ABBA (don't ask)
3)Eruption – Van Halen (see that’s funny b/c that song doesn’t have any lyrics)
4)Since you Been Gone - Rainbow
5)Beautiful Disaster – Kelly Clarkson

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1)Travel
2)Set up my family forever
3)Pay doctors to find out what is going on in comma patients heads and how to wake them up. And repair any damage to the brain.
4)Get my own personal chef
5)Help the homeless to get off the streets

Five bad habits:
1)Smoking
2)Drinking too much
3 )I’m incredibly sloppy!!!
4) Interrupting people
5) SHOUTING FOR NO GOOD REASON!!

Five things you like doing:
1)Drinking
2)Blogging
3)Sleeping (or I should say napping)
4)Reading Sports magazines
5)Catching up with people that I don’t get too see very often

Five things you would never wear again:
1)Velcro sneakers
2)Those fake turtle neck things
3)Ascots
4)Big collared shirts
5)A baby onezies

Five favorite toys:
1)G.I. Joe
2)Pose able Lone Ranger and Silver
3)Legos
4)Lincoln Logs
5)Battleship

FOODOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Ranch

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Wendy’s

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Bulldog Café, Cigar Box, Capini’s

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. Depends on the service but never less than 20-25%

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. Capini’s Chicken Parm

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Extra

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. A picture that a friend drew that has a skull blowing fire that spells out USMC. Onthe top ot says Corporal Darren H. (last name) I would get it as a tattoo if I had 500 bucks to burn.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. 2 a 51” and a 27”

BIOLOGY

Q. What’s your best feature?
A. Is my AWESOMENESS a feature? Shoulders, Humor

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Besides boogers and poo…no

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. Smell, because I think my “shit don’t stink”

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. Never

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. When I in the Marine Corps I was deployed aboard the U.S.S. Peleliu in 1993 (to Somolia) I benched pressed 300 pounds twice

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No I’m too much of a bad ass for that.

BULLSHITOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No, otherwise I would spend all my time trying to avoid it.

Q. Is love for real?
A. Not so far, but I hope so

Q. If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
A. No I don’t know any one with the same name.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Flesh, (HAHAHA), Umm blue

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. No that’s di-sgusting EW (but I know a few girls that have)

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. No, not on purpose any way. Maybe though what I told them.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Nope

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. If its tax free, sure and I get to pick the city. NO CAMERAS ALOUD

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. No

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. The hole-finger? (Get it, hahahaha)

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Tax free sure But I would still send out these post as emails and have some one else post them.

Q. Would you pose nude in a magazine for $250,000?
A. What is with all these nudie questions? Yes, but the magazine would go out of business

Q. Would you eat a whole pickle for $1000?
A. GIRL, YOU DONE BUMPED YO HEAD! I think we all know the answer to this one.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. Yes, that fuck Fred Phelps

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. Maybe then I could blog more

Q. Give up MySpace forever for $30,000?
A. Yes, I would go to face book

DUMBOLOGY

Q. What is in your left pocket?
A. My underwear does not have pockets

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. I am a tetherball champion

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. Carpet

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. Stand

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A. No

Q: How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
A. None Flip flops are for girls, and the gay’s, I’m neither

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. When My car was stole from Quicktrip in 2005 (long story)

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A. I’m 36 if I’m not a grown up yet then I will never be.

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A. Lonnie Anderson (not her real name)

Q: Last person you called?
A. Lonnie

RANDOMOLOGY:

Q. First place you went this morning?
A. Bathroom

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Get drunk at the Brigade game tomorrow night. And hit on the Cheerleaders

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: The Good Shephard

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: I am to the Ladies!

Have a good weekend ya'll, try not to miss me too much.

Nothing Worse

There is nothing worse than sitting down to take a nice dump and having the seat still warm from the dude that just left.

Nothing.

I have to take a shower now.

EW.

Congrats, Weekend, Joke Thursday

How ya’ll doin’ today? I’m glad you’re taking the time out of your busy day to read my blog. I’m sitting on the couch with my sweet laptop, and the news on but not really paying attention.

This is my 201^st post, I would of mention it in the 200^th post but didn’t even realize it was my 200^th when I put up the previous post. But it’s really no big deal, so don’t send any gifts.

First off, you should all go over to Frighteningly Uncommon Sense and wish Faith a happy Blogiversary. It’s her third. I read her daily and she always cracks me up especially her poop stories. Even thou she won’t add me to her blog roll. I think it would be a good idea for you to convince her to add me to her blog roll.

This weekend is shaping up to be a kick-ass one! I am off on Friday so from 5 on Thursday until 8 am on Tuesday. I will most likely be WAAASSSTTTEEEDDD like 75% of the time. It’s going to be so sweet I can’t wait.

Friday, I’m going to shop for new work clothes. I plan to go to Mens Wearhouse and just get one shirt and a pair of slacks just so I can get the size right and then go somewhere else and buy cheaper stuff. Then come home and start drinking.

On Saturday night the fellas (Mr. Awesome, Reggie, and Scooter) are going to the Brigade game. Look for some pics of hot chicks soon. After the game we are going to Westport, or The River Market, and the guys can watch me hit on some hot college chicks and possibly get slapped or at the very least get my ass whipped by a bunch of girls. Hopefully, we can get some pics of that.

Also I get to actually start painting the house. If I wasn’t so lazy I would have it finished by now.

I have also been put on kitty duty because Lonnie and Burt are going to the Lake of the Ozarks. So I have to make time to feed them on Saturday and Sunday.

Monday will be couch day, where I lounge on the couch all day and watch war movies on TNT.

I am sure I will have a recap next week.

I have stopped using flickr.com because they suck donkey dicks. I am going to use yahoo photos to house all of my kick-ass pics.

On Wednesday of next week my older brother, K-Dog, and his wife and daughter will be coming in town from Washington D.C. They are going to run in the Hospital Hill Run with me on Saturday, but they are only doing the 5K (slackers) when I am doing the 10K. I’ll post a map so you can all come out and hold up sighs that say things like “The D Rules”, and “We love the D”, or “Darren Rules the rest of you Drool!” or better yet “Hey The D, can I perform oral sex on you after the race?” (That one is only for the single chicks). Or if you make your own signs that would be fine too.

And now your Thursday Joke. This one is for you political people.

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell. “No!” George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day Long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day." Commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Have a nice weekend ya’ll, And if ya see me out you better say hello.

Feeling Stupid Today

Wednesday started off normal, shave, shower, dress, start car leave for work… Well up until starting the car.

It’s about 7:25 a.m. I put the key in the ignition and the mama-jama won’t turn. Great, just fuckin’ great! So after some cursing and then basic some trouble shooting. I decide to call the dealer. Tell them my problem and, at the same time I am emailing my boss to tell him the dealio and that I will be late. The repair shop tells me that I will need to tow the car into them and give me a number to a tow lot. I call the tow lot they tell me when they get someone free he will be out. The time is roughly 7:45.

At this point I am not really too pissed more irritated. Shit breaks. I know nothing is made to last forever. I used to let things like this really get to me. A few years a go I would just sit here chain smoking and getting more and more angry. But I decided not to let things that I can’t control get to me. But fuck, it’s irritating.

So the tow truck gets here about 8:35 (after almost an hour). He pulls up and tries to backing to the driveway but the lower brackets scrap on the drive way. He pulls into the street and gets out. He is a kid in his mid 20’s or so. We discuss the problem and realize that my car is way to far up the drive way. He says that he will have to roll the car down the drive way. But there is a problem the key won’t turn in the ignition so the car is stuck in park. I give him my keys.

He gets into my car and I can here him trying to turn the key. Then the fucker starts… I shit my pants. He gets out and says “Did you try “giggling” the steering wheel?” what am I a fucking mechanic? I thought. “No, but I did do everything else, like bang on it and stuff.” I start too feel really stupid. “Giggling” the wheel never occurred to me.

Now, I am not a moron I understand how things work from engines, (by the way let me drop some knowledge on ya’ll. The difference between an engine and a motor is that an engine runs on gas or some other type of power, like hydrogen or whatever, a motor runs off of electricity only. So if you have a weed eater that you plug in it has a motor, if your weed eater runs on gas it has an engine, capuche?) to how computers and electronics work. But I can’t tell you how to fix things because my dad did not have an awesome set of tools.

So now that I feel totally de-maculated I am just wasting time before I have to get to work because there is no way I am going to tell this story to a bunch of engineers.

So how did your day start?

GRRRRR

Flickr is really pissing me off today!

I had a really kickass post all planned out today about my weekend but acording to those morons at flickr they say I have already reached my limit of uploads for the month. When did they start putting a limit in uploads? Is it the size of the upload or number of pics or what?

Jack-asses.

Best Purchase EVER!!

I know I have been leading ya'll on about this SUPER AWESOME package that I ordered late last week. But the tease is over, in this post I will unveil what, exactly what was that I purchased. And how I came to own it.

I will start with the unveiling.

“what could it be?”

“I’m so excited!!!”
I’m getting pretty good at working the delay on my camera.

It’s OPEN THE BOX IS OPEN!!! WOO-HOO!!

Packing material is removed! The tension builds.

How excited are you right now?

IT’S A LAPTOP!!! REJOICE!! REJOICE!! IT’S A LAPTOP!!

But does it work?

Power Up!! YYYEEESSS!! Success!!!! HAZAH!!!

Accessories!! AWESOME!!

What the hell? A remote? What do I need a remote for?

Headphones TOO? Can this get any better?

Manuals, I don’t need any stinking manuals.

Closed sitting on the couch.

Open sitting on the couch, just chillin’

Now, some pics of me just looking stupid with the new laptop.
Insert your own captions.

Now for some much needed background.

A few weeks ago my Uncle Tom was in town from Boise, Idaho (IDAHO! YOU DA HOE!!) for his mothers (not my grand-mother) 90th birthday party. (He is my uncle by marriage, his wife, my aunt Janis, is my mothers younger sister). She stayed in back home Boise. I’m close with them and my cousins because I spent the summer in Boise after I graduated high school in ’89. It’s always a good time when any one of them come to town. Even though they’re former dirty fuckin’ hippies.

We are sitting around the dinner table at my moms just talking and Tom mentions that Janis, in her spare time, buys busted or refurbished laptops, and computers from ebay, puts new parts in them and resells them back on ebay. So we get to talking and he says that most of them are just missing a power cord, or for whatever reason did not pass an inspection at the factory.

A few days later I email Janis and ask her about the quality of the computers that she buys and sells on ebay. She told me that she had one that was brand new that did not pass the inspection at the factory that she just bought for $1000 bucks buy would sell to me for $700 (shipping included). I reply to her email and she tells me a little about the laptop, but says nothing about a built in wireless card. This was going to be a deal breaker for me. The #1 option that I was going to need was a built-in wireless capability.

I pick up the package from the post office on Wednesday. Now I have to get a wireless modem. I was going to just order one from southwestern bell. But then I would have to wait a couple of more days before I could get on-line. So I said screw that noise and hit Microcenter.com They had some on sale so I bolted out there and picked one up for 50 bucks. Now I have never done some thing like this before but I new I could do it.

Rebooting after installing wireless software.
Will it work? Did I destroy my new laptop?

Pee break!!!

HAZAH!!! I’M WIRELESS. YYYYEEESSSS!!!

I don’t remember what I’m doing here but it must be great!!

Now for some specs on the lap top. It's an HP, it has 1 gig of memory, a dual core 2.0 gig processor It has a dvd burner and a built in wireless card. A 100 gig hard drive. The screen is 17", and a shit load of external ports. Windows XP and Windows Media (although I am not sure what Media does but I will soon find out). It also has Microsoft 2003 Office (which will soon be updated to 2007, or what ever the lated version is out). I have also graduated to FireFox web browser.

Now for the best option. Are you ready for this, It has a built in MICROPHONE!!! Do you have any idea what that means? Well I'll tell you what it means. I means that I can now record myself saying something really fucking funny and then post it as a blog post.(that is when I figure our how to do that.) How awesome will that be? It will be TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME!!!

Now I just need to set up a home network so I can transfer files from my PC to the laptop and vice versa. I need to transfer all my music, and pictures. So I can share them.

I bought this laptop, (btw this is my first post written from the laptop. YEA!!) for $700 buck and it retails for $1500, not a bad buy if you ask me. Plus I can pay my aunt whenever I get the cash to do so. I will probably send her 100 a month.

I have some more stuff to play with on this thing . So peace out, and thanks for reading!

Joke Thurday 100% Original!

I usually go months between hair cuts. Why? Well, I don’t know why, I just do. In that time my hair can get pretty long, so it’s a drastic change when I do get it cut and I get it cut pretty short. I like the way it feels when it’s longer but everyone tells me that I look better with it short.

Anyway, this short conversation always goes down when I get my hair cut.

Friend: “Did you get a hair cut?”

The D: “Nope, I got then all cut.”

Friend: (blank stare)

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(Don’t worry they get better)

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Whenever I here someone say they are looking for something I have a standard and hilarious response.

Friend: “Have you seen my shoes”?

The D: No, but if they were up your ass eatin’ a chicken sammich, you’d know where they were!

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I used to have this super huge coffee mug I used to use at work. It held something like 22-28oz. of whatever I was drinking. It had the ability to keep coffee hotter than a standard cup.

Whenever someone would notice it they would always comment on it. This is a typical conversation about said coffee mug.

Co-worker: “Wow, that’s some coffee mug ya got there Darren” (because I’m a professional at work and shit)

Darren: “Thanks, co-worker, it cost me 250 bucks.”

Co-worker: “You paid 250 bucks for a coffee mug?”

Darren: “Yup!” (What for it…What. For. It.) “It came with a free microware?”

I also use my mountain bike in place of the coffee mug, and my house in place of the microwave. That conversation goes like this:

The D: Hey, friend lets go mountain biking this weekend.

Friend: “Sure, what kind of bike do you have?”

The D: “I don’t know, I just know it cost me 500,000 fuckin’ bucks*

Friend: “YOU PAID 500,000 BUCKS* FOR A MOUNTAIN BIKE!!!????”

The D: “Yup!” (stareing blankly at friend) “It came with a free house”

(cost of house my be inflated.)


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I like to tease little kids, this is no secret, but sometimes they get the best of me.

Let me set the scene for ya. Its Easter 2007, we are all having dinner at my mothers. All of the adults are all sitting around taking, the kids are playing on the floor in front of us. This scene only involves Zach who is 4, and his big sister Nicole who is 7 years old. Both are my sisters kids.

Aaaannnndd ACTION!!!

Uncle The D: “Hey Zach are you going to eat a lot of rabbit today?”

Zach: “We don’t eat rabbit on Easter, Uncle The D”

Uncle The D: “Umm, Yea, we do.”

Zach: “No we don’t, we eat ham.” he says like he knows everything.

Uncle The D: “No, we eat rabbit on Easter and Turkey on Thanksgiving.”

Zach begins to look confused.

Nicole: Screaming as loud as she can so everyone can here her. “WE DON’T EAT RABBIT ON EASTER. IF THAT WERE TRUE, THEN WHY DON’T
WE EAT BABY JESUS ON CHRISTMAS?”

Aaaaannnd Scene. Cut. Print. That’s a wrap. Time for lunch!

************************************************
This one doesn’t require any set up.

Person: “Do you lift weights?”

The D: “No, I used to but they got to be too heavy”

Ba-dump-bump!!

************************************************

I have others but I actually had to work this entire week. I prolly should of posted one at a time over many weeks, But I AM NOT AN ASSHOLE!

Because I like my post big (that’s what she said).

Later Gators.

Package

I picked up my package from the post office today at lunch. I'm VERY EXCITED about it. I'm so pumped that I am going to skip the workout tonight so I can go home and play with it.

I feel like the first time I realize that I had a penis. I played with IT FOR HOURS!!

Blogger Confirmed!

I'm sitting at work today just plowing away. I had a project due at noon which I had finished at 10:30 (that's a whole 1.5 hour to spare!!) So I was feeling pretty pumped about getting it done with that much time left, (other disciplines did not finish on time). I am plowing though my second project which was due at 5. I go talk to the PM (project manager) to convince him to give us all until tomorrow morning so we could work overtime and do some last minuet checking of our work. He agrees and I get back to my desk, its about 11:00 a.m.

Around 3:20 or 3:30 I get an email from someone I don't know, which is really strange, I don't give out my work email to anyone but some of my friends do have it, but I don't know this person. Anyway the email just says "So how did you (finally) figure it out?". I'm like what the fuck? Figure what out? Who the hell is this person? And what the hell should I have figured out? And when? What project are they talking about?

So I just ignore it for a few hours until I getting ready to leave after finishing the project. I check it again and I am still really confused so I just email them back "Figure out what?" At this point its 5:45 p.m I have worked an shit ton of hours and I'm beat. I get home eat, check my home email and start reading some blogs, then it hits me like a ton of bricks.

Remember in the previous post when I said that I was like 99.5% sure that I worked with a fellow blogger? Well, I was right! That email was from them, and I totally spaced on it! What are the chances that my (our) company has two bloggers working for it? Are there more? I just find it really weird. I'm not weirded out by it at all, I just find it really strange.

I have a lot of question for them but I will save them for a email tomorrow.

************************************************

In more EXCITING news, I got notice in the mailbox today that my purchase has arrived and is waiting for me to pick it up at the post office tomorrow! I'm really pumped, I can't wait to take some pics of me opening it and telling you all about it. That post will come this weekend. So WATCH OUT!

************************************************

This weeks Thursday Joke will be 100% original. I going to give ya'll all of my favorite one liners, short stories, and best comebacks. You won't want to miss it! You might want to print it out and go sit on the toilet because it will be so funny you might wet yourself, (at least I think it'll be funny). I am going to start writing it tomorrow (shhh,at work but don't tell anyone).

Have a good rest of the week everyone.

Thanks for reading.

(I can't believe I get this excited about such mundane stuff.)

Sooo sleezzzzz

It's just after midnight and I just walked in the door after working over 16 hours, 12 of them non-stop.

I have not yet eaten dinner.

I can actually feel my stomach digesting itself. Or as Costanza would say "I can feel my stomach sucking up against my spine!!"

I have to be back at work in 6 hours.

I think I work with a blogger which really concerns me. What concerns me is that they read my blog too and I read theirs. I'm like 99.5% sure that I work with a blogger that I have a link to on the left there. It's really no big deal because I am 100% sure they work in a different location and a different division. So its not really that big of a deal. I'm just sayin.

I'm so tired I think I just might be drunk.

Peace Out!

I'm goin' to bed.

At the tone the time will be 12:30 a.m.

"tone"

Lumbergs gonna make me work this weekend, I can feel it.*

I am SUPER busy (or bizzzay) at work this week so post will be few a far between. I worked last Saturday from 8 a.m until 11 p.m.

I have 2 projects due on Tuesday, one at noon and one at 5. Tonight might be an alnighter and not the kind of alnighter that I like. The kind of allnighter that I like involves nekked chicks (as in more than one), chocolate pudding, copious amounts of booze, and a 36 pack of condoms.

I can't believe I'm actually getting request for my weekend happenings.

Am I that AWESOME?

I don't think so but it's fine with me if you do.

*That's a line from the movie Office Space.

Random Thoughts

1. I did something really adventurous (some will call me crazy) the other day. It is probably the craziest thing I have ever done. (Except telling my mother that I was just going to "talk" to a Marine Corps recruiter. And then coming home with the date I was leaving for boot camp in San Diego. Boy, was she pissed about that, not that I joined, but without talking it over with her and my step-dad first). So, as I was saying, it is the most ambitious thing I have ever done to date. It reminds me of an old Chinese proverb (or maybe its just something I made up, whatev!) It starts with a question "How do you eat an elephant?" and ends with an answer "One bite at a time".

Tuesday night I signed up for the Hospital Hill Run. I knew I as going to sign up for it but I was waffling between the 5K (3.1 miles) or the 10K (6.2 miles). I can run a 5K no problem. But this 5K has a lot of hills, and when I say a lot of hills I mean a SHIT TON of hills. Check out the elevation changes click on the image and you will be able to see it better.

The first 1.5 miles is all up hill it covers an elevation change of over 150 feet. HOLY FUCK! Is that straight up? Are we going to need repelling gear? What am I a fucking Sherpa? So anyway you can see how tough that 5K would be.

Wait, lets start at the beginning, I was talking to this dude at work on Monday and he had the AUDACITY, nay, the BALLS to tell me that I couldn't do the 5K much less even finish the 10K (when people tell me that I can't do some thing it just sends me in to this Bruce Banner/Incredible Hulk rage that I just can't get rid of until I do whatever task this person has been doubting that I, "THE D", could do.) So guess what I did. I bet him my paycheck for the week ending June 12 that I would not only compete in the 10K but would finish said 10K. He also put up his pay check. (yes I totally got about 10 witnesses to this wager. And FUCK YEA I am going to take his money.) He is an engineer so he makes about 3 times what I do, this will be the easiest bet I have ever won. I should have bet him a night with his wife (she's HOT!) but I thought that would be just a little tacky.

***************************************************************************************

2. I have a surprise coming in the mail. It's going to be so awesome I can't wait! Lets just say that its something that I have talked about before. Look for pics of me opening it next week.

***************************************************************************************

3. My feet are absolutely killing me! I ran Monday and Tuesday, took Wednesday off, and ran tonight (Thursday) the bottoms of both of my feet are killing me! Every time I take a step dull pain emits from them like a punch in the...well, bottom of my feet. When I walk they feel l like the tendons or whatever that run from my heal to my toes (across the arch) are being stretched to the breaking point. I feels like my hamstrings and other muscles when I stretch out before running. But they don't hurt when I am actually running. Don't tell me to see a doctor. He will just tell me to stay off my feet. And I can't do that until after June 2nd. Any ideas about this?

***************************************************************************************

4. My company competes in the Corporate Challenge. Tomorrow night is the kick off party at Arrowhead Stadium. We can wear our company tee shirts, that everyone got for signing the waiver to participate in an event, to work on Friday, but we can't wear jeans. Isn't that fucked up? Who wears a tee shirt with dress slacks, I ask you? WHO? I am still going to the kickoff party but I WILL NOT be wearing a tee shirt and dress slacks to work tomorrow. I think it's just stupid. I was planning on running in the 5K but didn't realize that it was this Saturday so I missed the deadline to sign up for it. And BTW, we are the 3 time champions of our Division. That my friends is the definition of a DYNASTY!

***************************************************************************************

5. Saturday night is the Brigade game which means, HOT CHICKS!! Maybe this time we will stay for the whole game.

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6. Final Note: Sunday is Mothers Day. So go out and do something good for yo mama! If you are a mama then have a happy day! (If you are not a mother but want to be come see me, I'll hook you up*) Mine is going to Jefferson City Missouri to spend it with her mother. Mom thinks that she doesn't have many mothers day (or is it mother day's) left so she wants to do that. (Even though my grand mother is 89 years old and the picture of perfect health and will probably out live me by a decade). I am going to brunch with my younger brothers wife's family. I can't remember the name of the place but I do know its just east of the Winsteds on the Plaza. My presence has been specifically requested my his oldest daughter (my niece) Sophia she is 2 1/2 years old. The brunch is at 9 a.m, who has brunch at 9 a.m that's breakfast, besides brunch is just breakfast with a slice of cantaloupe anyway.

Have a nice weekend!

Check you on the flip side.

*That's a joke

Joke Thursday - Yo Mama Edition

Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window

Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!!

Yo mamma is so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mamma is so fat we're in her right now.

Yo mamma is so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.

Yo mamma is so fat she lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY."

Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it".

Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window

Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.

Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs

Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.

Add your own in the comments!

(Disclaimer: I steal these.)

Minor Surgery or Construction Zone

I can't make up my mind if I want to make some lame analogy to some minor surgery or to call this a construction zone. Anyway, I have been working on the fixes for the site for the past couple of hours looking at the HTML code and trying to read it and figure out what the problem is, then I remembered that I don't know how the hell to read HTML.

Try this, find yourself some French (or any other language) web site and try to read and understand that shit. It may look like English letters and you might be able to make out some of the words but I bet you won't be able to understand the whole thing.
So I just said screw it and deleted some of the crap on the left column.

I deleted the MP3 player because 1) I never did set it up to play my own play list. 2) I seriously doubt that people were coming here for some lame ass music anyway. 3) It was taking too long to load the entire page and I think that was the main culprit.

I also deleted the calendar. I dumped that because I could not personalize if with the dates that I wanted to, hell all I had on it was the Royals schedule. Like I want those losers on my page.

I defiantly wanted to keep the countdown to my birthday because I wanted to give people enough time to prepare for the party and have enough shopping days until the date, you know so everyone could buy me some kick-ass stuff!

Although, I have only heard from people that are using Fire Fox or Safari. I could have been an ass about it and just told them to use Internet Explorer, but I am NOT a fuck head, I want to give everyone the gift of The D. And I want every one to be able to laugh at my misfortune (because I sure as hell do) Such as the time I fell down some stairs and broke my shoulder. What? I haven't told that story yet? I thought everyone knew that story, it’s a classic!! I even get request to tell it at parties. People also request that I put my pants back on, but I always refuse that one.

So if you are running Fire Fox or Safari then I an deeply sorry for your inconvenience and I do apologize from the heart of my bottom.

[Side note: If anyone knows Rodger Clemens of the New York Yankees, he just signed a one year contract worth 28 million bucks, could you please tell him to GO FUCK HIMSELF!! And stop telling us that "I didn't sigh for the money". FUCK YOU!]

I feel much better after that.

If you still have trouble reading this page then please let me know so I can get my people right on it. And by "my people right on it" I mean those geeks I downloaded it from. Thanks for reading have a nice week!

P.S. I will get started on the busted shoulder post tomorrow night.

UPDATE: I should really start proof reading these things before I post them. All those misspellings and grammar errors make me look like a fool. But then again you already new that. Didn’t you?

AWW, CRAP!!!

Apparently, my blog is busted. I've gotten a few emails telling me that my blog is busted. I really don't know how to fix it. But I do have a few ideas so just bear with me as I try to fix it tonight.

If you are having trouble veiwing this page let me know. But it seems to be just affecting Firefox users. But if it has always worked for you then, let me know also.

Thanks for reading.

Trolley Run Pic

This is me running the 2007 Trolley Run.

DAM!! I look good even after running 3.75 miles.

Right?

Read this post for a recap.

Joke Thursday - Blond Edition

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

(Disclaimer: I do not make these up. I creatively aquire them.

Visit with Mom and Sis

After work tonight I went over to my moms house to help her and my sister set up for a garage sale that my mothers neighborhood is having this weekend. I don't know how we got on the topic of money and how we spend it but this is now I ended it.

Mom: "So what do you do with all your money?"

The D: "Whatever I want, I don't have a wife spending all"

Sis: "When are you going to get one?"

The D: "What? A wife"

Sis: "Yea"

The D: "When ever I feel like ordering one from Russia".

Mom: "You don't spend all you money on booze do you?"

The D: "Mom, I spend it on the same things everyone else in this town does"

Mom: "And what is that?"

The D: "You know, crack and hores"

Mom: "I hope you're kidding"

The D: "Of course I'm kidding. I also spend it on booze for the hores who supply me with the crack and illegal firearms"