Authors note: This is the first chapter of a 4 part review of my weekend. I did write it. I am not dead. You can see a slide show on my space page. But you have to me my friend to see it.
The D
Our story begins on Friday February 16th our hero (The D) left work early to prepare for the trip. He got home, ate lunch, and packed his clothes and sent some last minuets emails to friends telling them how excited he was about the trip. He left the house about 4 o’clock to swing by the dive shop to pick up the gear that he had to rent, wet suit, regulator and BCD. He arrived at Reggie’s house at 5:15 which was right on time. They had a bit of a lay over because Reggie’s brother, Curtis, was running surprisingly late. They left the house and joined the rest of the Friday evening commuters trying to make their way to various destinations.
The weather was cold and snowing, the roads were snow covered and quite treacherous. Traffic was going to be a major factor in the drive across Missouri to the dive location.
After leaving Curtis house they still had one last person to pick up. After picking up our 4th person, Larry, they were ready to hit the road. The travel time was expected to be around 4-5 hours it took them 7 hours. To pass the time they watched School for Scoundrels, (this movie was really lame but they had nothing better to do and it did make the drive more bearable but The D does not recommend it. (Unless it’s in the $0.99 bin) it was quite lame), another movie they watched was Not Another Teen Movie, which they had all seen but it was still entertaining.
The traffic on I-70 was horrible, there must have been at least 50 cars that had spun out and were then stuck in the snow. The average speed from Kansas City to Columbia could not have been much faster than 25-30 mph.
They arrived in Columbia, (The STD capital of the state, and not surprisingly the home of the University of Missouri) at 11 o’clock, stopped for 30 minuets to eat dinner at Ruby Tuesday (The D had the Chicken Parmesan, yummy, in his belly), it was quite tasty and really hit the spot.
The remainder of the trip to the final destination was uneventful and boring. The D slept for most of the remainder of the trek. They finally arrived at the Super 8 Hotel in Bonne Terre, Missouri at 2:30 in the morning, checked-in and went to bed.
Reveille came early at 6:00 a.m., but with the excitement of the days activities ahead our hero nearly jumped out of bed filled with the joy the can only be compared to an 8 year old on Christmas morning. They showered, had a quick bite to eat at the Huddle House, which was just across the parking lot from the hotel, loaded up the SUV and made there way the Dive location.
The dive location was called The Bonne Terre Mine an underground lead mine that had hit a spring in 1960 it has been slowly filling with water ever since. They even have to pump out water every year or the mine would totally flood.
After filling out some short standard paperwork our divers went in to a small classroom for a short briefing detailing what trail they would take and what was expected of them, and also what to expect from the dive leader and the safety divers. The group was made up of about 10-15 divers all with various degrees of experience.
The D had the least experience but had the oldest qualification date on his license out of everyone in the group. He had obtained his certification in 1992 while stationed in Okinawa, Japan with the Marine Corps, but had not been diving since then. Needless to say, as the time to get in the water grew closer he became more and more anxious. Butterflies were starting to get to him. His palms started sweating his stomach started to do summer-salts, the dry heaving began and when this happened nothing good can come from it.
After the briefing they made there way to the locker room to change in to the wet suits and make their way underground to the dive dock. The walk down was about 0.5 mile in total distance, descending though the doors of the mine the humidity and the smell of stale water hits you in the face like 4 year old girl, not too tough but you can defiantly feel it.
At the dock everyone grabbed a tank of air and finished getting ready to “get wet”. Hooking their tanks to their BCD’s and checking each others gear. Depending on what type of dive suit (dry or wet) this could be a 2 person job. The D walked over to the waters edge to clean his mask, dipping his mask and hand into the water he nearly shit his suit. “HOLY FUCKING DOG SHIT THAT WATER IS FREEZING!!!” he thought. They had told everyone in the briefing that the water was a constant 56 degrees. But HOLD SHIT you don’t really understand how fucking cold that is until you feel it. People don’t even DRINK water that is that cold. The nerves just increased 10 fold. Now he is starting to freak out over how cold the water is going to feel. He finished dressing and has his good buddy Reggie check his gear, tuck in his hood and make sure that he had connected his air and regulator correctly.
He walks to the dock puts his hand over his mask and takes the plunge. The cold of the water takes his breath way and he states to hyperventilate, the freak out is going full throttle! He surfaces, and grabs a hold of the dock. Tries to catch his breathe. “Breathe you idiot, breathe, he says to himself” “Relax, relax, relax”, he repeats as the shock of the water temperature overcomes him. He is stunned. Like an opponent of George Forman must have felt when getting whaled upon by a series of haymakers.
A few minuets pass and the freak out starts to subside but it is still there, lying just under the surface, lurking, like a killer in a slasher movie. Our Hero knows that if anything goes wrong from here on out it will be back with full furry of a cyclone and the vengeance of a tornado!!
The group is floating about 50 yards just off the dock and want to get on with the first of the day. It seams that The D is the only one that is being affected by the water temperature. He collects himself and joins the group.
At the first safety stop they descend to a depth of 20 feet and form a circle around the dive leader, while the safety divers hover above and just outside of the circle. At this intermission the dive leaders require some basic safety checks. The divers have to flood their mask and then put air back into it order to see though the mask. (This is a common practice, if your mask gets knocked off during a dive, for what ever reason, or if your mask does not have a tight seal on your face.) The dive leader starts with the first person on his right, sadly it’s The D.
He takes a few breaths and pulls his mask off just enough to flood it. The water rushes in like a runaway freight train, the cold water makes him forget all of his training. He panics, starts to hyperventilate again, removes his regulator from his mouth. He is past the total freak out, he is in full panic mode and he knows it! “FUCK, I’M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT! I’M PANICKING I HAVE TO SURFACE NOW!!! OR I’M DONE, I’M DEAD, I CAN’T GO OUT LIKE THIS!! MY MOM WILL BE PISSED!! NOT TO MENTION MY FRIEND, SHE TOLD ME NOT TO DROWN AND IF I DO SHE WON’T COME TO MY FUNERAL!!” (He is always thinking of others even at the time of his death. Now awesome is that!)
The dive leader shoves the regulator back in his mouth. The D starts to give the surface NOW hand signal and begins to inflate his BCD. The dive leader grabs The D’s BCD and holds on to him trying to calm him down letting the diver know that he is there and he is there to help him. He pushes on The D’s mask trying to get a seal against his face and starts to tap the D’s nose. He is confused “Why is the asshole touching my hose? Lets get to the surface fuck face!! I’m totally panicking can’t you see that?” His eyes are still closed tighter that a virgins legs on a first date.
They surface, he is couching and spitting up more water that the J.C. Nichols fountain. A safety diver also surfaces and calms him down telling him to leave everything on and to leave the regulator in his mouth.
“Take deep breaths relax your O.K. Fill up your BCD. How do you feel? What happened? What went wrong?” The safety diver asks.
“I couldn’t get my mask to clear.” The D answers still out of breath and coughing up water.
“Did you have a good seal?” She questions
“I think so” he replies
“Were you blowing out your nose or mouth?”
The money question! He knows that he was blowing out of his mouth. As soon as she asked the question he remembers that he should have been blowing out of his nose. He feels like a fool, like a kid that gets called to the front of the class and misspells a word on the chalk board. Total idiot!
With the near death episode behind him our Hero is now having another problem at the surface. He can’t get his balance. He keeps rotating while floating on the surface. It’s the weight belt, is keeps shifting. He can’t get his balance. And has to exert a lot of energy just to keep facing the safety diver, they swim over to a rock ledge and he removes the weight belt, and hands it to her. She takes it and adjusts the weights so they stop slipping and rotating while he has them on. Another safety diver comes over and relives the first one so she can join the dive group. He tells The D that if he wants to continue with the dive he still has to show him that he can clear his mask and switch regulators. “WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I ALMOST FUCKING DIED YOU ASSHAT, AND YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN?” The D thinks, but says “O.K. I was just not ready for that cold ass water”.
“Great, we can Go when ever you’re ready” he says.
The D collects himself by taking off his mask and putting his head underwater so he will not have the shock of the cold water hitting his face.
“Lets light this candle!” The D boasts.
They swim out and descend back to the original spot. The safety diver is right in front of him. First they swap regulators. Success! They switch regulators without issue. Next flood and clear the mask. Deep breath the flooding part goes well. He presses the mask to his face to get a good seal, forces himself to blow out of his nose. Much like blowing your nose on your sleeve. (What? Like you’ve never blown you nose on your sleeve, shut up). With a little difficulty he does it. “YEA!! How you like me now!” He thinks.
They rejoin the rest of the dive group just before the first safety check area. There the dive leader checks everyone’s air gauge to make sure they have enough air to continue the rest of the trail. The D’s air is of course low because of all the freaking out and panicking he did earlier. He has to surface and then swim back to the dock followed by a safety diver.
The first dive lasted about 45 minuets of which 38:56 minuets were spent freaking out so the D got a little jipped on that dive. But it was his own fault.
To be continued….
In our next episode, Chapter 2: The Second Dive: Claustrophobia!… (Scary music, da, da, dummmm)
