Why would someone bring in left over Superbowl food to your office? Hot wings, chips, cold nacho cheese, some (kind of crappy) salsa, and half a crock pot of chili? Don't even get me started on the stench.
Is it just me or did the majority of the Superbowl commercials suck balls?
Tonight is the Boarder War, MU vs. KU at Allen Field house in Lawrence KS. 8 pm on ESPN. Then stay tuned for Sportscenter.
Last night was the premiere of the greatest show on earth. If you missed it or did not DVR it then I’m sorry about your luck.
Lonnie came over just before 8 PM with Minskys pizza we watched the pregame which started at 7 and fast forwarded thought the commercials. Watching a TV any show or sporting event is really the only way to do it these days. It keeps the show moving and you spend less time in front of the TV while watching more shows or games.
As we started watching the season premiere she stood up and announced that “All talking should cease and desist immediately or there would be consequences”. Of course it was just the 2 of us. So, I really don’t think it was necessary to make such a rude announcement. But whatev.
Here are my questions, my own answers are italicized: (These are just my thoughts so I wouldn’t consider them spoilers. If you want spoilers you’ll have to find then on your own.)
Still with me?
This weeks Lost wrap up was brought to you by the letter “P” cause that is what I gotta do now.
Agree? Disagree? What are your thoughts? Lets discuss!
This might become a weekly Friday feature, I don't know, it all depends on time.
Y'all have a nice weekend.
From The Cajin or is Cajun? Whatev, (She is 33.3% of the D.C. Krew)
When you have fat friends, there are no see saws...only catapults.
That's it, too excited for LOST tonight!
...on a dogs ass every once in while.
Congrats to KSU for beating KU for the first time EVER in Bramlage Coliseum. You're 1-19 vs KU in YOUR OWN HOUSE!
And Congrats to Erin for seeing KSU beating KU at home for the first time, in her life it truly must be a a wonderful feeling.
KU would never let a streak like that happen.
And congrats to the rest of you KSU bloggers, Chimpo, Emawkc, and Nightmare. (I'm clearly out numbered here.)
Mish-mash
Today the Kansas Sampler Foundation announced its 8 “Wonders of Kansas”. The winners are:
I challenge the validity of this list for one simple reason! I’m not on the frakin thing!!! WTF? Dudes!! Srlsy? This is at travesty BEYOND BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS!! Call your congressman (or woman) and demand a recount!!
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KU plays KSU tonight in the Sunflower Showdown, 7 pm on channel 38 on Direct TV. (I have no idea what channel it is on for Time Warner and Dish Networks cause those systems suck donkey balls.) KSU has not beaten KU in Bramlage Coliseum since 1983, that’s 25 years. (Bramlage opened in ‘88). Beasley is the highest scoring player in the big 12 this season to date. If KU shuts him down KU wins easy by 20. KSU is a one man band. Without Beasley we’d be talking 0’fers for KSU. I'll be watching with my crew at Tanners on 87th.
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I’m so effin’ busy with work and a project at home I literally don’t have time to shit. But I had a huge break though with the project at home so hope fully things run smoothly from here on out.
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My best pal Lonnie is pissed off at me becaue I haven’t blogged about her new daughter yet. (even thought I set up my space and Facebook pages for her. I'm her first Friend!!!!) If I had the time of some photos maybe I will.
The Kansas City Star, my hometown paper of record, (whatever the fuck that means) is doing a contest to see who can come up with "extraordinary captions" for some pictures from the greatest Television show in the history of television shows EVER!
I think that paper is shit so I'm not going to enter the contest. The only thing you get for winning is your name in the paper. My name has already been in the paper enough lately. Over the weekend I was arrested for... wait for it... wait for it... being too fuckin, Awesome! So I thought I'd skip the formalities and just do the contest here.
What show is it, you ask? Well, it's Lost of course you stupid, dirtbag! How could you not know that? Srsly, what planet are you from? Well, you should go back to it because we don't let Dicks on this planet. And yea, your a Dick if you don't watch Lost.
The first season it was out I would spend every waking moment searching the internets for clues as to what the fuck was going on on the Island. I had about 50 different web sites I would check HOURLY at work and once again when I would get home. Then I was transfered to our home office and lost all of them and didn't have time to get them back for the second season. It nearly drove me crazy.
I'm commonly referred to as "That Lost Dude" at work. Which is a title that I have grown to accept. But I don't always think they're referring to the show when someone calls me that. But whatever.
(FYI if you haven't been watching the "missing pieces" webisodes then your totally fucked for this coming season. They're less than 5 min long so go watch them when you can. You can get caught up during your lunch. Or you can get a full update to the series in 8:15 (!!!!!!!!!) here.)
The season 4 premiers this Thursday at 7 pm. I really dont' know why you don't already have your DVR set for the season pass. Coincidentally, I spent my weekend watching all 23 episodes of season 3, that equals to about 18 hours of television that I watched this weekend. Yea that is a lot of TV. But it was totes worth it, I pretty much know every thing that has happened last season. If I were to be on a game show about Lost right now I would totes win!
Anyway, add your own captions in the comments if you like. This is not a contest. But if you want to send me nude pics of yourself I would not reject them. (No fatties, No dudes.)
1. Ben a.k.a Henry: "Hey, How you doooin'? Come here often?"
1a. Ben a.k.a Henry: "Please stop pummeling me! It hurts!"
1b. Russo Thinking: "Look how tough I look standing here"
1c. Ben a.k.a Henry: "Jesus, lady whadda ya eat?
2. Alex: "Yes I would like some of your island hooch, Carl."
2a. Carl: Don't worry Alex there isn't much GHB in this.
2b. Alex: "I like water it's yummy in my tummy"
3. Sawyer: "The next person to fart in my face while I'm sleeping gets a bullet in the FACE!"
3a. Sawyer: "We all know you ate all the ding-dongs, Jumbotron, so just admit it!"
3b. Locke: "What's going on here! Is it a circle jerk? Good! Sawyer, since your already in the middle your the pivot man."
4. Sun: Oh My Gawd!! Claire, Jins pe-pe is so small I have a hard time even finding it, hehehe" Do you think Hurley's is bigger? Cause I'd like to ride that whale! Hehehehehe!
Claire: Yea, American cocks a much bigger that anyone else's. hehehehehe!
4a. Claire: Yea, I totes gave Charlie a Dutch oven last night, he go so mad. It was Hilarious! It stunk sooooo bad, I think it burnt off his eyebrows, hahahah!
5. Benard: "JESUS, Sayid!! What fuck did you eat?!?! Did a wombat crawl up your ass and die? Holy fuck man, that's HORRID!!"
5a. Sayid: "Stand back I'm going to let another face-melter go!"
5b. Juliet: "I wonder if Iraqis dicks taste like chicken? They smell like chicken."
6. Benard: "AAAAAHHHH! This is the best shit I've taken in 3 months! DAMMIT I FORGOT TO DROP MY PANTS AGAIN!! FUCK!!! Rose, can you clean me?"
6a. "If that fuckin Iraqi farts on me one more time I'm going postal!!"
6b. "Fifty bucks the Smails boy picks his nose"
7. Thinking: "Look how sexy I look standing here stroking my rifle. Yea, ladies you know you want to get a taste of my 50 cal rifle. I'm fuckin' amazing."
7a. Thinking "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh, yeah? Okay! [whips out gun] Huh?
7b. Thinking: I'm the Greatest Scottsman to ever walk the planet. Hehehehe, I said "Great Scot just like that douche fro Star Trek, hehehe, Fuck I'm sexy!
8. Extra in grey tee shirt on the left: "Hey, every one Claire shit her pants again! Look, HAHAHA!!!!"
Everyone chanting: Claire's a poopy pants! Poopy Pants Claire!
8a. Clarie crying: "I can't help it Charlie keeps putting it in the wrong whole, and I'm all stretched out."
9. Kate: "Jack I'm not going to lick your ass any more until you start using toilet paper."
9a. Kate: "Yes, Jack I rode Sawyers high hard one, while we were in the cages, but I was thinking of you the whole time. I'm a 5 cent whore, you know that"
9b. Jack: "Kate, I'm going to take this satellite phone and shove it up you cooch if you don't get your dam dirty hand off my face."
Leave your own captions in the comments. Just be sure to number them.
(I have no idea what is up with the spacing of this post so don't ask.)
You know that feeling you get just before you sneeze? That feeling just before you inhale and then sneeze? That feeling in your knows that little tickle, that says "Hey buddy there is something in your nose and you need to get ride of it FAST!" You do? Good Cause I've had that feeling for the last 2 hours.
It’s annoying as fuck!!
GAH!!
Anyway, check out my new scrolling text. It’s 100 Facts that you didn’t know about me, The D. And the best part, they’re all TRUE!! (the twitter updates are on the right. (like you read then anyway)
Y’all have a nice *AAA-CHOOO* day! WOW! That sneeze was so good I almost had an orgasm!
For today's Thursday Joke I thought I give you some one-liners from one of my favorite comics, Steven Wright.
And my favorite line from Steven Wright: I once bought some powdered water... I didn't know what to add to it.
The good news is that I did not wake up dead this morning.
Last night I was wishing someone would whack me upside my head with a 2x4 accompanied by a rusty nail sticking out of it. It would have helped my head drain of all the nasty snot rockets. It was one of those kinds of head colds where you can only breathe out of your mouth and one side of your nose. But when you lay down on, say your right side, you can feel every thing shift to the right side of your head. And for a few glorious minuets you can breathe out of both nostrils. But after your back to the hell of halving a cork stuck up one side of your nose. Then you roll back over to your left side and it all shifts with you again. It’s like a fun game of teeter-totter only its not fun it's some kind of sick fucking torture . I was doing so much tossing and turning last night that I made myself nauseous and almost threw-up.
It’s one of those head colds that no matter how hard you blow your nose, that shit just won’t come out. You want to stick a 12 foot Q-tip up there so you can punch a hole in the blockage and just stand over the sink or toilet and let it drain out like an open fire hydrant. But instead you just keep blowing your nose so hard that you almost shart while doing it. Not a good feeling, let me tells ya, yo!
Then as the day worn on the symptoms have changed and NOT for the better. I no longer have all of the head/face/nasal cavity issues. But now I have lower abdominal craps, (THEY’RE NOT MENSTRAL!!), and VERY explosive, I'm talking atom bomb explosive Hershey Squirts, you know, the green apple splatters, swamp ass, a case of the mud butt. (Is that enough? Cause I have more.)
I hate having diarrhea, but I hate pickles more. If I had to chose between eating a pickle or having echoing, explosive H-bomb type shits for the rest of my life. I would take the shits everyday of the week and twice on Sunday.
Note to self: It would be a good idea to move the TV in to the bathroom tonight.
I hope there isn't much traffic on the drive home of I might not make it. I wonder is any one has a cork I could barrow?
What makes this even worse is I have off-site training tomorrow! But hey, it's a free lunch!
I don't understand why everyone if freaking out about Heath Ledgers death. It doesn't effect me or anyone that I know. He was a foreigner and probably here illegally, so who gives a shit if he's dead? It doesn't affect you in any way what-so-ever. So get over it already. You'll still get your Dark Knight movie this summer, so stop worrying your pretty little head.
The top story today wasn't even the Semler resignation from the parks board. I bet your thinking that because she resigned those conventions, that left, will all come back now? Keep dreaming, buckaroo, they won't!
The top story wasn't even the news, out of Jeff City, that Governor Blunt won't be running again in the next election. He said he isn't because he has reached all of his objectives. You you hear that Missouri, you're effing perfect according to Butt-face Blunt.
No, no, ladies and gents,
What you should really be talking about (besides me being very, very, sick and 10 times more irritable) is the announcement that the old Verison Wireless Amphitheater, that closed last year, is reopening this May and will be renamed Sandstone Amphitheater.
The good thing about this is that with the Sprint Center opening and us still having Sandstone we aren't losing one of the best outdoor venues to see some pretty good acts that will be coming to town this summer.
Chris Fritz, the president of New West Presents, who now manage the property, is going to lower ticket prices, plus beer and concessions. (Although I never could understand who would eat that swill at those kinds of places.) He is going to lower ticket, and beer prices by "going green". Which means that they will be "Collecting trash for recycling (glass, paper and plastic). Recycle old fryer oil for people with bio-fuel vehicles. Offer receptacles for recycling cell phones. Use recycled materials inside the venue, like office paper, paper napkins, paper plates and toilet paper. Make parking free for people who carpool or drive an alternative-fuel vehicle. Install bike racks at the gates for people who want to ride bicycles to shows. Which all you tree huggers should be happy about.
All that recycling is pretty good but if you fart a lot you'll get charged extra.
Now, I'm going to take some medicine (and by "medicine" I mean Mad Dog 20/20) and lay down. I still can't breath thought my nose. And the sickness is getting worse by the hour. If you don't hear from me in the morning please call an ambulance. Just make sure it's the kind with the sexy paramedics in it like the ones in a David Lee Roth video, thanks.
It would really ruin my day if I woke up dead.
With months of planning the banquet went off without a hitch. I had the perfect system all set up. But it took me almost all night to print over 120 name tags Friday night using my home printer. I also had to print 35 applications for the neophytes at 5 pages each is a lot of paper and ink.
Some history on this banquet that we throw every year. This was our 87th meeting. The club has had a lot of influential members though out the years most notably President Harry Truman was initiated in the 30's. The membership is now populated with upstanding citizens from Kansas City Kansas, my home town. We have doctors, lawyers, judges, business owners, politicians, insurance men, police officers, firemen. People from every walk of life. If I gave you some of their names you would be amazed at the quality of people. But I'm not going to give you any names.
I guess the best way to describe the club is to say that it's part Friar's club roast, part fraternity. It's really a good time.
One thing I can tell you that happened to me, which was completely amazing and totally random. I was talking to one of our photographers about how the day went and the other photographer came over and asked me if I had family in Jefferson City (we all wear name tags). I said yea both of my parents are from Jeff City, long story short he had grown up with my Dads brother (my uncle) and my mothers brother. I still have to call mom and tell her about it. She's probably flip out. It just goes to show you what a small world we all live in.
After the ceremony the group (which you already know as my crew, Mr. Awesome, Reggie, Scooter, The EYE-talian, and a few others) that planned the event went over to a bar in KCK and watched UNC lose to Maryland which was just enough to make the day pretty effin sweet. Then we headed to Danny's again had dinner and watched KU beat those slack jawed yolks from Mizzou.
There was really a lot of random, and amazing stuff that happened thought out the day. But I still have a lot of work to do as far as updating the roster with new members, and updating current members with new contact information. Which is going to take me a couple of nights to get though all of the new members. Overall we had 132 people attend which is a pretty good turnout but not our best.
I wasn't planning on talking about this, I was planning on talking about my weekend and the banquet, but this is just too big...wait for it... wait for it... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Lets all give The D around of applause for his 500th post! (This being my 500th post) It's only taken him 1 year and 10 months or, as one might say, 22 months when referring to the age of a baby, and only 2 major overhauls, that he can remember. He has had 30,456 hits since he installed the Stat Counter about a month after he started blogging. Which comes out to an average of 60.9 hits per post. (Writing in 3rd person is more difficult than you think.)
Of course I'm getting the itch again to revamp the whole thing. But I'm going to try to do it right. Instead of bribing some HTML guru to help me out I think I'm actually going to find me a couple of good books on HTML and or CSS. I think I'm going to move to word press also. Yea, I know I've threated to do that before but this time I mean it. At the risk of sounding like a control freak, I want more control over the template and the overall look of the page. But I don't know when I'll have the time or learn all that stuff so it's going to be a while before it's unleashed on the public.
So does anyone know of some good HTML, CSS, or maybe word press books that I can get on the cheap from Barnes and Noble or Amazon?
Y'all have a nice week and bundle up! Its cold out there!
Monday, I told you about my weekend at Banana Joe’s. Today, I get an email from one of Pamela’s friends telling me what happened to Pam. Pamela and her husband Scott Baio were out at Banana Joe’s on January 5th.
Her email continues:“They have these island type raised dance areas where she was dancing among other girls. As she was trying to get down, she fell and fractured her skull, broke her ankle, and possible ruptured a disk in her back. (Undergoing testing at this time to find out what is wrong) he was rushed to the hospital where she underwent brain surgery to remove a blood clot from her brain, resulting in a metal plate in the back of her head. She was in ICU for a week and now is at home recovering but is having major problems with her back. Her ankle was a clean break on a non-baring bone….which is good. She can barley walk to the bathroom, and can not stand due to the pain. She may have to undergo back surgery; she is waiting to hear back from the doctor today. So basically she’s pretty messed up."
I don’t need to worry about such things happening to me because I don’t dance and if I do my feet don’t move. But you girls certainly need to be careful!
Pam is one of my best pals I really hope this isn't a perminate thing she is going to have to deal with.
My apologies to my fellow bloggers, I will not be able to make tonight’s hoe-down.
I’m in the final stages of the banquet planning for this Saturday. I have to meet with the hall banquet people and go over the final stats as far as how many people will attend (I’m still getting RSVP’s even though the cut of for RSVP’s was last Saturday.) the amount of food, where certain aspects of the ceremony will take place, table configurations, among other items. I also have to print final rosters of those attending along with 2 sets of name tags, one for existing members, and one for new members).
We should have about 150-160 total people attending.
Again, my deepest apologies to my fellow bloggers. Please feel free to discuss my awesomeness behind my back. If you were waiting to make a decision on whether or not I was going to attend, because you think I’m a complete moron, and you don’t want to be around me. Then please, do attend. If you were only going to go if I was going then I think you should attend. Most of us bloggers are good people that shower daily, and use deodorant. (Except for Emaw, he smells like feet).
Cafe al Dente, in the River Market at Fourth & Delaware, Kansas City, Mo
I thought I'd let my lovely readers make this call, about a slang definition that is currently in quetion. (I could look it up in Urban Dictionary.com but I don't want to look it up.)
Here's the dealio:
A friend on mine sent me an invitation to a party they're having, via evite.com. I reply that I will attend and state. "I'll bring the hooch!"
The question that I now ask you my dear readers is what am I bringing to the party?
What is "Hooch"? My friend is thinking one thing, and I'm thinking something entirely different.
I don't want to narrow your choices by giving you multiple possible answers. Just let me know what you think I mean by saying "Hooch" in the comments.
My friend and I thank you in advance.
After Danny's we went over to The Saddle Ranch Chop House. You know it's going to be a good time when you get to a bar at 10 PM and some drunk chicks are already dancing on the bar. It's too bad there asses were better looking that their faces. (Their asses weren't even that good.)
I especially like this one. Check out the dude in the orange hat with the Abe Lincoln beard. Think he's ever seen girls on dancing on a bar before? Hilarious!
And 50 years old perverts trying to look under their skirts. Hilarious and disturbing at the same time.
We had car bombs!!:
Then we ventured next door to Banana Joe's. According to their Myspace Page:
Banana Joe's is one of 4 bar atmosphere's under one roof! Margarita Mama's to sit down and eat some Mexican cuisine, Banana Joe's where you have 2 bars and top 40/pop/hip hop music and MIX 93.3 on Saturday nights!, Slingshots, which is a country/rock bar...and Q104 is broadcasting live from there on Friday nights! Velvet Room, is a martini lounge, where you can just relax and hang out with your friends!!
We walk into Banana Joe's and get some drinks at the first bar, Margarita Mama's. Which was really dead so we got some drinks (NOT margaritas, those are for chicks and the gheys, not that there's anything wrong with that) We pay the 5 dollar cover, and get vandalized:
The good thing about this vandalization is that it was with a dry marker (the kind you use on a dry erase board, you know the white ones) so it washed off the next morning with no trouble.
So we are wondering around the second bar, Banana Joe's which was playing some rock music that I can't remember with some crazy as light show going on. Stop at the next bar and get more shots and drinks (I'm drinking Bacardi and Cokes at this point.)
We then wondered in to the 3rd bar Slingshots, its blasting the loudest county music I have ever heard. We then see and old friend from years ago who ends up managing Slingshots. He says to come the the back bar of Slingshots and he'll set us up with another round of shots and drinks. FUCK YEA! we think. As we get to the back bar we see more girls dancing on the bar.
(Sorry fellas, I didn't get a pic of her tramp stamp, you know her ass antlers, her Panama City license plate.)
About 20-30 minuets later we turn around and see one of the craziest things I have ever seen going on behind us on the bar. Some dude on his hands and knees with a saddle on his back and a chick riding him. WTF? Is all I can say. We all look at each other and say in unison "CAMERA!"
That Slingshots is one CRAZY place!
A few key points that I skipped over:
One being that fact that Mr. Awesome broke a sigh that had holes cut out of it for faces. Like the kind you would see at Disneyland or some amusement park. It looked kind of like this.
But not exactly, but I think you get the idea. Only it had some kind of country western theme.
We also ran into a girl that we went to high school with. Get this the moron didn't know who I was, can you believe that? I mean who goes around this town NOT knowing who The D is? Seriously, lady get a fucking clue.
We never did make it in to the Velvet Room, maybe next time.
The whole place is a good time. I suggest you grab your friends and head on out west. Don't let the recent violence keep you away. (We saw at least 2 set of uniformed cops. I even knew one!) It's a good time.
