100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Lost Questions and Answers

Last night was the premiere of the greatest show on earth. If you missed it or did not DVR it then I’m sorry about your luck.

Lonnie came over just before 8 PM with
Minskys pizza we watched the pregame which started at 7 and fast forwarded thought the commercials. Watching a TV any show or sporting event is really the only way to do it these days. It keeps the show moving and you spend less time in front of the TV while watching more shows or games.

As we started watching the season premiere she stood up and announced that “All talking should cease and desist immediately or there would be consequences”. Of course it was just the 2 of us. So, I really don’t think it was necessary to make such a rude announcement. But whatev.

Here are my questions, my own answers are italicized: (These are just my thoughts so I wouldn’t consider them spoilers. If you want spoilers you’ll have to find then on your own.)

  • Hurley running on the beach in slow mo. HILARIOUS!!!
  • Hurley does know Anna Lucia Cortez. Why would he tell the cop that he didn’t?
  • Sawyer drinking beer, while Juliet digs a hole. What a gentlemen that Sawyer is.
  • Who are the Oceanic 6? One would assume they're the lone six survivors of flight 815. We know who 3 are Jake, Kate, Hurley, who are the other 2? We know one of them is dead from last seasons final episode; Jack went to their funeral and was that only one there. There is great speculation as to who is the dead dude in the coffin.
  • Who is Naomi’s sister? I think we will find out soon that it is someone that was/is on the island.
  • I believe Hurley’s flash forwards are before Jacks flash forwards from last season. Jack seamed more put together although he was drinking OJ and Vodka at 8 am. Just as soon as you see the camaro on the news report Jack says “Dammit” Because he knew that it was Hurley in that car. I also know it was Hurly because that was the same kind of car that he and his dad were working on when Hurley was a kid. (Hurley’s dad is played by Cheech Marin from Cheach and Chong.)
  • Who is Matthew Abbadon? The black dude that came to See Hurley in the mental hospital. Why did he ask “Are they still alive?” Who sent him? Is he really with Oceanic Air? When the groups separate, one with Locke one with Jack. Just one of the groups gets separated. The rescuers ask, if that was all of them? Someone says “yea that is all of us”. when they intentionally left one group on the island. Matthew is with D.A.R.M.A and wants to know if there are any other people left on the island. Now years later the people that get rescued feel so much remorse that they start to have problems functioning in life. Jack becomes and addict, Hurley goes crazy again.
  • Who is the lady and the child that ran in to Jacks truck as he was standing on the bridge ready to jump in last season final episode? Here’s my theory; We don’t know when that scene is supposed to take place but it’s long enough for him to grow a beard. Why does he want to fix the lady so much? Why does he care? He cares because the lady in the car is Claire and the boy in the hospital with the broken arm is Aaron her son.
  • In last seasons finally Kate tells Jack that she “needs to get back to him”, or something to that affect. Who does she need to get back to? I think it’s her son, and who dat baby’s daddy? Sawyer. She is NOT refering to Sawyer she is refering to thir son. Sawyer is NOT one of the Oceanic 6. He dies on the island
  • Who are the people on the boat if it’s not Penny Widmore? Remember, last season in Bens flashback he was brought to the island with his father Roger, (who was found dead in the van that Hurley found in the jungle), as member of the D.A.R.M.A (Department of Heuristics And Research on Material Applications.) Initiative Ben meets another group of “Hostels” that he becomes friends with and ultimately kills all of the members of D.A.R.M.A.

Still with me?

  • So now all of the original members of D.A.R.M.A are now dead. So Ben and the “Hostels” assume control of the island and turn on the signal jammer that Charlie turned off. Now that the jammer is off the island can now be found by anyone. Ben knows this and knows that people from D.A.R.M.A have been looking for the island ever since he and the Hostels took it over. Naomi found the island by accident just like everyone else, including Desmond and the dude that was pushing the button before Desmond. The people on the boat ARE FROM D.A.R.M.A!!!
  • Who does Hurley see in the cabin? The guy in the chair is Jacob (obviously it’s his cabin). But who is the other dude who we only see for a second? I think it’s Dr. Marvin Candle the Doctor from the hatch orientation films.

This weeks Lost wrap up was brought to you by the letter “P” cause that is what I gotta do now.

Agree? Disagree? What are your thoughts? Lets discuss!

This might become a weekly Friday feature, I don't know, it all depends on time.

Y'all have a nice weekend.