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100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Showing posts with label Friday Quickie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friday Quickie. Show all posts

Friday, February 08, 2008

Lost


Sorry folks I'm pretty swamped at the office today so I won't have time to give you my thoughts on last nights Lost. Feel free to post any comments you have about the episode. Go over to Pop Candy to read about a kabillion other peoples thoughts. One thing I noticed from Pop Candy is that one hour after the show ended there were already over 150 comments.


I'm in between projects of my own so I'm helping other people get caught up on their projects or just doing the clean up of projects.
Fun stuff let me tell ya!

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 8:33 AM |

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Friday, November 16, 2007

Last Word of the Day

If you can't make fun of yourself, then you have no business making fun of other retards.



Y'all have a nice weekend!

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 4:30 PM |

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Friday Blogthing

Well since everyone else is drinking the cool-aid why the eff not?



Told you all I was Sexy!





Now here's a cool tune for ya!

(its the original)






From 3am, Chimpotle and ACGIK and a few others I may have missed.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 3:03 PM |

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Friday, November 02, 2007

Weekend Plans

I don't have much time to get this out so I won't elaborate on the plans.

Friday-Dinner with the fam, clothes shopping, binge drinking.

Saturday-bartending at Reggies cousins wedding. Which should be fun because I have no idea what I'm doing. Guess I'll just drink the mistakes.

Sunday-Chiefs game.

Today's Darukah gift: A kick-ass ecard from Spyder and an obscene cupcake from Erin.

Ya'll have a nice weekend. Beware of the drunk text! They'll get cha'

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 4:10 PM |

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Friday, October 26, 2007

Weekend Shenanigans

Friday night I have a house party (not the blogger party) to go to, it’s supposed to be a costume party, but because I’m a rebel, and I march to the beat of my own drum. I’m not wearing one. We’ll at least one that doesn’t take a lot of effort.

It’s an orange tee shirt that says “Costume” in black letters. Then underneath that, on my chest I’m going to write in black permanent marker “Fuckin’ Costume.” But I bet no one sees that.

Saturday is lawn work, and that night is my mom’s birthday, probably just dinner somewhere that the SIL plans out.

Sunday will be TV all freakin’ day. And a shit load of sleeping.

Lame weekend I know but I've been hitting it hard for the past few weeks and I need to recharge before the Nov 10 weekend? What’s going on then, you ask? Well first of all it’s the Marine Corps Birthday, second it’s MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY! (Although I don’t think I’m going to have 3 parties this year, I was hung-over until March.)So if you have plans that Saturday Night you better cancel them. I have a 10K that morning and the par-taing will start right after.

Ya'll have a good one, and thanks for reading.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 9:54 AM |

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Friday, October 12, 2007

Weekend Plans for you Stalkers and Lurkers

This weekend will be pretty great. I've been looking forward to it for awhile now.

Friday I'm doing this*:


Saturday I'm going on the Crawl For Cancer with a group of about 10-12 people on our team. I will know probably 4 people and the rest are girls from out of town. (SWEET!) I will be drinking ALOT of beer and probably doing even more drunk texting, so if you want on the list send me your phone number (single women over 21 only).

Sunday, as with all Sundays, I will be on the couch watching the Chiefs game and wishing I had more left over pizza.

Ya'll have a nice weekend.

*thanks to Erin for pointing out that site where I stole that image.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 2:04 PM |

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Friday, September 28, 2007

Pretty Much The Best Tee Ever

Thanks to FileGirl for the heads up on this one.




My birthday is Nov 14. Just a suggestion.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 8:48 AM |

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Friday, September 21, 2007

Weekend Update With The D

I know it's late notice but I will be going to the Plaza art fair tonight. I should be there around 7 or 7:30.

You know you all wanted to know.

If you have my cell call me. If you don't then it sucks to be you.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 6:17 PM |

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Friday, August 24, 2007

Finally Something Cool!

I always take Emaws Friday blog quizes but I don't always post the results. Mostly because I'm embrassed of the results.But today Ladies and gentlemen I am proud to day that I am:














You are most like:


Black


You are bold with a dark side. You make clear lines wherever you go, though you color outside of the lines. Many people may just see the surface of you and think you are merely plain, but you have a lot of depth to you as well.


Take this quiz: Which Crayola Box of 8 Color Are You?

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 10:47 AM |

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Friday, August 17, 2007

Easy Peasy Friday Rock!

Fridays morning’s rock will be a little slow at times as I listen to one of my faves – REO Speedwagon – Yea that’s right REO fuckin Speedwagon you know you wanna ROCK out with me. You know you wanna rock out with hits like Ridding the Storm Out, Don’t’ let Him Go and many many more! Sadly I don’t have 57 (or what ever number it is) Riverside Avenue.

I’ll also be listening to The BottleRockets (a group of semi-local boys out of Festus, Missouri).

Speaking of local boys I think I’ll throw in some Rainmakers just to finish the morning off. (Interesting note: I bought a tape of the Rainmakers while wondering around a music shop in Singapore. That's no shit!)

Have a nice weekend everybody.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 9:04 AM |

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Friday, August 03, 2007

Friday Morning ROCK!

For todays listening pleasure my Ipod brings you good old fashioned classic ROCK! The Who, Rolling Stones, 38 Special, AC/DC, Clearence Clearwater Revival aka C.C.R. plus much, much, more.

This afternoon I should have time to tell ya'll about my weekend plans.

Until Then Rock on!

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 9:12 AM |

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Friday, July 27, 2007

Biz-Zay!

I'm pretty busy here at work today (which totally sucks ass for a Friday) so I don't have time to put up a whole review of last nights blogger meet up. Maybe later tonight when I'm drunk and nekked in my living room, or front porch, watching Winnie the Poo (and Tigger TOO!) Yelling YOU'LL NEVER GET THAT HONEY YOU STUPID ASS BEAR!! WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER, SMOKEY!


The one thing I do have time to say is that I am very disappointed in that no one tried to violate my 3 minute rule, very disappointed ladies, very disappointed...


Seriously, it was really nice to finally put a face and a personality with those of you I had a chance to meet. Good times, good times, Faith, Heather, KC Sponge, and I closed the place down at 10. There was someone else but I can't remember her name, sorry.


Remember that threat that if you missed this meet up then the people their would talk about you? Yea, TOTALLY TRUE!


Have a nice weekend folks, Stay Cool!

P.S. For todays listening pleasure I bring you, Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick Jr., Dean Martin, and some other random dudes that sing like they do, good old fashion music right there ya'll!

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 9:42 AM |

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Friday, July 13, 2007

Takin’ a Dump!

A link Dump that is!!

News

The Santas are coming, The Santa are coming!!

This guy should just shut the fuck up. He signed up he needs to do the time.

Drive thru Beauty parlor NOW OPEN!!

KU’s Allen Field House is in the top 10! Take THAT Mizzou and K-State! BOO-YA!!

Blogs

Emaw be smart! He are edumacated!

Shea demands a "buffer zone."

Misc

What do Jenna Fisher (Pam from the Office), Zach Braff from Scrubs, Alyssa Milano, Gene Simmons and I have in common? We are all AWESOME BLOGGERS! See the entire top 20 list from Entertainment Weekly Via Pop Candy.

This link stuff is too easy now I know why Tony does it.

Lets talk about the weekend.

Friday: Movie night at the house, but I’m not sure what movie. Any recommondations?

Saturday: Lawn care and LOTS of it!

Saturday Night: Date with the Buzzard Beach Girl (wwwwhhhhhaaaaaa??????)

Sunday: Off to Newton, Kansas for the Nicole and Zach b-day party.

Ya'll have a nice weekend, I'll read ya Sunday night.

The D... OUT... BAM!

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 3:55 PM |

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It’s screw with the Boss Friday!

My boss is cool. This conversation will prove it.

Boss: “What’s your status on (project name).”

The D: “I am in the middle of (technical stuff that you would get bored with).”

Boss: “When will you be finished with that?”

The D: “I could make it stretch until 5 p.m. today, or I could be finished by 2 p.m.”

(It’s 1 p.m. now)

Boss: “Lets shoot for 2 p.m.”

The D: “O.k sure no problemo”

Boss: “What up after that?”

The D: “I thought I would make some prank phone calls to fellow random employee’s that I don't know for about 3 hours and download some porn. Is that cool? Or is that kind of thing frowned upon?”

Boss: “The prank phone calls are, but the porn is cool as long as you send it to me also.”

The D: “GREAT!”

(Boss walks away, then comes back 5 seconds later)

Boss: “Or you could go see Craig and help him out with his project.”

The D: “That is also a good idea I think I’ll do that!”

Totally Cool

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 1:44 PM |

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Friday, June 29, 2007

I'M HUNGRY!

Check out the preview of Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest. It's done by some JERK named Crazy Leggs Conti who thinks he's the Pat Summerall of eating competitions.

Set your Tivo's now! ESPN July 4, 11 a.m central time zone!

(Courtesy of who else BWE)

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 1:54 PM |

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Friday, June 22, 2007

ICE CREAM!!!!

This is why I like where I work. Today, everyone in the company that works here in Kansas City recieved FREE ICE CREAM just for filling out a survey.

It was provide by the good peeps from Sheridan’s. They came by in a truck and everything! But this wasn’t just your lame-o ice cream sammich, and orange push-ups, or Bomb pops. They had chocolate syrup, strawberry syrup, sliced bannana’s, whipped cream. It was so AWESOME, you don’t even know!! The ice cream was so good I almost stuck my wang in it!!

It’s a shame you don’t work for my company.

But there was lame part the CEO said it was “his treat”. Yea I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that one. He didn’t pay for it. The company paid for it.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 1:55 PM |

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Friday, April 06, 2007

Friday Quickie

Why is it that I have had this emailed to me 4 times today?

By 4 different friends.

Telling me sigh up for it.

I'm NOT GOING so drop it!

You want to be on T.V then you do it.

Jerks!

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 4:30 PM |

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Friday, March 30, 2007

Friday Quickie

I'M FAMOUS!

Read why Tony's Kansas City is trying to set me up with his sister (no I actually don't know if he has a sister or not but whatev).

Clarification - my parents did not beat me, just in case you did not get the joke.

The pick is from St. Pats day 2007 (and yes I am wasted, so what?) you can see fat picks of me in some slide shows on myspace page.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 3:58 PM |

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Friday, February 23, 2007

Friday Quickie

The Friday quickie is where I am going to post stuff that I think is cool.

But I am not going to say much about them, hense the "quickie".

That is pretty fucking cleaver I think.

So go here, and laugh your as off, you might even pee a little.

I did.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 10:07 AM |

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Friday, February 16, 2007

Friday Quickie

This one is for the dudes (and the ladies if your in to that kind of thing, and if you are call me I want to watch)

The 2007 Brigade Girls are out and HOT!!

Tell you boss to shut the fuck up and cancel those boring Friday meetings. You just need to relax and ENJOY!!

You're welcome.

P.S my fav is Michelle the saucy red head. MMEEEEOOOWWW!!

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 3:09 PM |

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