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100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Future

This weekend was pretty uneventful and when I say uneventful I mean it absolutely nothing of interest happened to me. Friday, I stayed home watched a movie, but I can’t remember what it was called or what it was about so I would deduct that it wasn’t any good. Saturday, I went into the office for about 4 hours, so I could get a jump on this week. (One of my 3 projects has a submittal due on Friday) Hopefully, I won’t have to be at work too late Monday night but I’m guessing I’ll have to be there until about 8 or 10 in the evening.

Saturday night I rented Ghost Rider with Nick Cage. One word will sum up this waste of time, LAME! That’s all I have to say about that.

Today, Sunday, I should’ve cut the grass (among other things) but instead I just did laundry and sat around watching the Concert For Diana on VH1. (You can watch all of the performances at that link). Those Brits sure know how to put on a good show. I also watched Office Space, which is one of my favorite movies of all time. I also took a nap. All that sitting around channel surfing and skipping commercials really wears a guy out thank God for tivo, or I would have had to watch a bunch of commercials.

This week will be a pretty crazy one for me. First off it’s Hawaiian Shirt week at work. But since I am only going to be there for only 1 and a half days, (all of Monday half of Tuesday) it’s no big deal to me. I am taking off half of Tuesday so I can get to Reggie’s house for some pre-concert partying.

Tuesday night I am going to the Def Leopard, Styx, and Foreigner concert at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater. That night will be pretty crazy so look for lots of pictures from the show. Before the concert I’m going to go buy a couple of new tee shirts or dress shirts so I will have something that actually fits me for the concert. A girl that I went to high school with knows some dude that owns a limo company. So guess what, were takin' a limo to the show!! AND we have it until 2 in the morning. How jealous are you right now?

Thursday I’m going to buy some new running shoes. The ones I have are good shoes but they’ve become too big. This will be my second pair of shoes that have gotten too big for my feet since I started running. I don’t know if the shoes are stretching or if my feet are actually getting smaller or I should I say narrower, because of the weight loss. Also, I have been having some pain in both my feet so I am going to get some new proper fitting shoes before I go to the doctor about the pain. The issue with my feet is that when I walk the bottoms of both feet feel like the tendons, ligaments or whatever are stretching. But the problem is that they don’t hurt when I run, it’s only after a run and the next day or so. After researching the symptoms online I believe that it’s some kind of arch support issue. So I am going to go to Garry Gribblers or to Metro Walk & Run to get some professionally fitted shoes or insoles along with some new running shorts and tee shirts. This problem has been on going for a few months now so I better do something about it soon. (Like I said I’m the King of Procrastinators).

Friday, I don't have anything going on so I think I might get my car looked at its doing some funky stuff.

Saturday, is the yearly Friends of Reggie Golf Tournament it's by invitation only or I would tell you more about it and you could join us on the links. Besides, its just a my usual crew and a few other dudes playing golf and talking shit to each other while drinking beer. Yea, its going to be a awesome time. I am a terrible golfer but it'll be fun, we'll most likely be out in Westport that night. But plans for that night have not been discussed.

My sister and her family are coming to town on Wednesday so we’re going to go to watch fireworks, with her kids that night, but I don’t know where, any suggestions? I’ll be hung over so it should be as much fun as a game of Roshambo.

The weekend of July 15th I am going down to my sisters in Newton, Kansas for her kids Birthday party. Nicole’s birthday is July 10th she will be, umm, 8 years old (I think?), and Zach’s is June 25th will be, umm, 5 years old (I think?).

My August social calendar is open.

In September a bunch of us will be heading up to Chicago for the Chiefs vs. Bears game on the 16th. I think there’s about 10-15 of us going so WATCH OUT Chicago. (Which reminds me I better get my plane ticket now or Chrissie will yell at me again). I don’t know where we’re staying or how much the game tickets will cost. But what could be better than Chicago in September with the unbearable humidity, and the stifling heat? If you live in Chicago or are familiar with the city drop me an email and let me know where we should get drunk at, K?

September 1st also marks a major milestone in my life, it’s the one year anniversary from when I started my diet/workout so look for a post that will include some fattie pictures and more recent pics of your truly. Think of them as before and after pictures. The post will include some reflection of where I was and where I am how, as far as my weight and fitness goes.

October comes the Crawl For Cancer they have not yet announced the date for the fall edition but since I am really cool and have the hook-up. It’s going to be on Saturday the 13th and I’ve already been invited to join a team. This pub crawl is always a HUGE blast. Just ask Erin or Brad they did the one in the spring (but not together) of this year and I have already done 3 or 4 or them in past years. I have the tee shirts to prove it.

Upcoming Races

So what’s coming up for The D as far as races you ask?

On July 20th I will be running underground at the 1st Annual Run to the Sun 5K it’s underground in some caves in Independence Missouri.

August is the Race for the Cure 5K which is one of the largest races in Kansas City.

September is still up in the air I am looking for a 10K. If anyone knows of a fun or challenging 10K race send me a link to their website or their race registration page.

October – This race will be an exciting one. I’m really looking forward to this challenge. On the 20th I will be running my longest distance to date. It’s the Kansas City Marathon I will be doing the half marathon which is 13.1 miles. It’s not a half a whole marathon it’s a whole half a marathon!

November - I will be doing another half marathon called the Gobbler Grind in Overland Park. This web site hasn’t been updated yet. But I have the hook-up so I know when it is.

You can see a whole list of up coming races of all distances here in the Kansas City area here at the Mara web site.

That’s it for now. Thanks for reading!

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 9:20 PM

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