THE ICE STORM OF 2007! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!
Today in Kansas City we're having The Ice Storm of 2007! And according to Devon Lucie of KCTV we will all die. Or at least most of us. Devon does nice job of giving us the details of the weather (btw, how old is this dude 12?) but he just does not instill enough fear like his boss Katie Horner does so for me to get really scared about this storm then they better get Lady Doomsday in there pronto or I'm just going to ignore Devon instructions.
Devon tell us the we should stay off the streets because there have already been hundreds killed* in accidents. The streets are a complete sheet of ice. There is not a paved road way in the city that does not have at least 2 inches of ice on it! That includes sidewalks, parkways, driveways, over passes, and your fat girlfriends ass!
O.k Devon YOU stay off the streets! I for one will be out about 12 today once I get hungry again. I just had a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios (it's quite possibly the greatest cereal ever!) and since I only have a bottle of Bacardi, a 12 pack of Diet Coke, 13 Bud lights, and about 10 Boulevard Wheats to consume in the house, and no actual "food". Then I'm going to have to hit the Price Chopper on Stateline and 76th. (I go there because it's in the land of MILF's and Hoes.)
If I follow Devon's advice and not go out then I'm going to have to drink all that booze myself, and when I get drunk, bored, and lonely, bad things tend to happen. And since I'm not a RAGING alcoholic, and by raging I mean I don't start drinking before 11:30 a.m., I'm not going to do that.
Devon just told me that freezing rain is just precipitation that falls from the sky and freezes. WTF?? HOLY SHIT! That's what freezing rain is? I never knew that, thanks for pointing that out JACKASS! Where did they find this dude, Canada? (No offense to the Canadians that read this. I love Canada, you're Americas hat! We love ya, stay classy!
Devon is also telling people how they are going to die today! By freezing to death! If you lose power then you're FUCKED like a Philippine whore during fleet week, six ways to Sunday! I have a fat neighbor that I can cut open and crawl inside of for warmth. But if my power goes out during the KU game On ESPN (in HD) at 1 o'clock. (That reminds me I should probably take a shower how while I still have hot water) then I'm going to head up to The Cities Twin Tavern and hang there until they fix it. (I'll update my status, by cell phone, at the top there if the power goes out.)
Good luck to all of you today in your survival of the the ICE STORM OF 2007. And God Speed to you all. If you die let me know so I can take you off my blog roll will ya? Just because your dead is no excuse to be rude.
*that number may or may not be right.
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