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100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Weekend Plans

Howdy folks! How’s this Friday treatin’ ya? Good I hope. Mines pretty good so far unless someone drop a bomb on me, but that’s not likely.

So do you have any plans for this weekend? Uh, uh…Really your doing all that? WoW! When are you going to sleep? What am I doing this weekend? Well, I’m glad you asked. I have a few options check ‘em OUT:

Friday, right after work I have to jet over to 119th and Quivira to Garry Gribbles and register for a 5K tomorrow. Then on the way home from there I’m going to get my hair cut, then dinner, then home. At home I can either watch one or two of the four movies I picked up from blockbuster at lunch. They are (in no particular order 300, Number 23, Premonition, and Shooter. I also have a horror movie called Messengers that I recorded last weekend that I still haven’t watched. But before I do that I have to hook up the DVD player, which will take no time at all. Of course I’ve said that before and it took me 2 days to do it. So, well see how that goes.

Or I could go down to First Fridays with a pal’o mine (for future reference when I refer to a “pal” or “pals” I am talking about a friend or friends that are females. I just feel weird about calling them girlfriends, because it might create some obvious confusion. Woman or women friends just sounds stupid and Lady friend just sound dirty, don’t ask me why it sounds dirty it just does. “Buddy” or “buddies” are male friends. Ok. So we’re clear on this, right? EXCELLENT)!

I’m running in another 5k early Saturday morning. Which means I would have to be home around 10 or 11 tonight, and who wants to go out on a Friday and then have to be home that early? Not me The D (Hi! Have we meet before, cause you look really familiar) that’s who! Besides this pal is really good looking but were friends, but I’m betting she has some hot friends she would introduce me too.

Saturday, like I said before I’m running another 5K (next weekend is the Race for the cure 5K) but what makes this one different than all of the others is that I am actually going to run it with a few people that I know instead of all by my lonesome. My SIL (C-boys wife) and her twin sister H-bomb are both walking in it. SIL is working off her baby weight. (I hope that sentence doesn’t piss anyone off I’m just saying she had a baby a few months ago and is exercising to get the baby weight off, what’s the big deal?) Her sister H-bomb, who has run multiple marathons, is walking because she hurt her back moving a few weeks ago. So those 2 are walking. I’m running and so is one of my pals who’s new to running. She works in a large companys’ fitness center (I know of 2 bloggers that work for the same company) and a couple of her friends have ran marathons, triathlons and those long ass races distance races. So she thought she would start small and work up to marathons. She is also running the Kansas City Half marathon. Now, she is a friend of mine that just started running a few weeks or a month ago, so if she beats me then I will never hear the end of it from her, or her friends which I know some of them. And once my buddies hear that a girl we all know beat me I will never be able to leave the house again. If you look at the web site and compare the times from last years race my age bracket, to the time I had in my last 5K (30:30) I should finish in the top 5 of my age bracket. So that’s what I’m shooting for, 27:00 min even should but me well into the top 5, plus in front of my pal.

Saturday afternoon after a nap, I will be updating the blog template once again. I know exactly what I want but as usual I have absolutely NO IDEA how to do it. I know it will take Photoshop which I don’t have, and I need to find a very specific image from the web. So if anyone wants to help me out Email me at the_d_rules@swbell.net that’s “the underscore d underscore rules at swbell dot net”. If you help me out I’ll help you out, if ya know what I mean. (wink wink nudge nudge).

Saturday night, The SiS and family, and C-boys family and I are all going out to the T-bones game. We are currently arguing via email and text message over where to have a dinner. I’ll give ya’ll some pics from the game in my Weekend Wrap Up post Monday night. The kids will be in bed by 9 or 10 which means I can go out after they pass out on the couches. So I might just walk up to the Twin or may be the Point for a couple beers.

Sunday is couch time and more blog updating, laundry, house clean up (notice I said clean UP, NOT cleaning, I hate cleaning I’d rather just move). Your basic lazy Sunday.

Now I need to know what ALL of you are doing this weekend. Be specific because you might have better plans than me and I might have to change mine, if your plans sound better than mine.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 3:25 PM

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