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100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Monday, November 19, 2007

McFadden's Sports Saloon

Friday night Mr. Awesome and I went down to check out the Zeros at McFadden’s Saloon in the new P&L District downtown. It’s your basic sports bar with lots of flat panel TV’s and cold beer.

But I have issues.

First off, if this is a chain of sports bars, and IF I have the correct web site linked then why does it not list Kansas City on their site? What are we second string? They say that there is one coming soon to Las Vegas, but what about the one you just opened 3 weeks ago in Kansas Fucking City? Are you not proud of it? Are you going to keep your K.C. location a secret like your retarded step child? It’s bush league, people! Update your fucking site! TODAY!! (Of course, if I don’t have the right web site linked then you can just ignore this whole paragraph.)

This was our first time to the new Power & Light District and we really didn’t know our way around as far as parking went. We arrived about 8 or so and just parked in the first parking garage we could find and paid the 5 bucks, while walking up we saw that there was parking under McFadden’s for only 2 bucks, count that one for lack of experience.

When we got to McFadden’s they check our I.D.’s (really, you’re going to check my ID? I’m thirty-fuckin'-seven. I don’t at least look like I’m 21? I was probably older that the dude checking I.D’s). The place was already packed, lots of people jammed in to the place. Apparently, they were having some kind of 80’s theme night, some of the bartenders were dressed like characters from 80’s movies, the girls were dressed like your typical Madonna types, with the big 80’s hair and lots of blue eye shadow. (Quite horrible I thought). Reggie and Scooter were already at the bar along with some other girls that we all knew.

The service was terrible when we were at the bar. Our bartender was “Iceman” from the Tom cruse movie “Top Gun”. With his Aviator sunglasses and crappy flight suite and the whole douche baggy attitude. When he was finished talking to another bartender about his sick dog crapping all over his crappy apartment. We finally got our over priced beers, Boulevard Wheat for me and Coors Light for my buddies.

If this place is going to call its self a sports bar and take any business away from Tanners (any location) or Johnny’s (any location) then they had better stop charging 4 bucks for a 10 oz draft of Coors Light. (That’s what they were charging during the KU football game on Saturday.) Because if they expect me to pay that much for a beer and then sit there and watch a sporting event and eat a meal then they are CRAZY! And just because you calm to be a sports bar or sports saloon or an Irish sports bar doesn’t mean you are one. I don’t know what a true Irish sports bar but this ain’t it. This is just a bar plain and simple. With lots of TV and loud rock music. There is nothing really special about it, if there was I missed it.

You had better get your kitchen in order also. Scooter waited for over AN HOUR for some chicken fingers and fries. Which he wasn’t happy about, and ladies and gentlemen if Scooter ain’t happy then ain’t nobody happy.

Some of the good qualities about the night were the over abundance of really good looking women. I would say that most of the women there were good looking or “top shelf” as I call them. But there really weren’t a lot of them. A good phrase to use to describe this would be “Quality over Quantity”. The quality of the women was high but the quantity was not. Which is usually what happens when the Zero’s play. When they play at the Brooksider it’s quite the sausage fest.

Another good aspect of the night was the free shots. About once or twice and hour the lady bartenders would walk up and down the bar,on top of the bar, pouring shots of whatever they had into anyone that opened their mouths. Yea, I had my fair share of those.

They had a tent set up right outside the back door for the band to play in. They were also smart enough to put in a small bar (cash only) that served Boulevard Wheat and Coors Light so people wouldn’t have to fight the crowds to get back to the bar to get a drink. Another good play was the pot-a-johns they put outside (NOT inside the tent mind you, but just out side of it) for the girls to use.

Apparently, at least this is what I have heard, is that they (the owners of these bars in the P&L District) are getting some kind of special liquor license to be able to let people walk around outside with beers and or alcohol in sort of “to go cups” (If you’ve been to the French Quarter in New Orleans you know what I’m talking about.) You can’t just leave with a glass of Long Island Ice Tea, you just have too ask for a to go cup, whether that is a plastic or what ever type of cup is up the establishment. You currently can’t do that anywhere in Kansas City, which is galacticlly stupid if you ask me. But you certainly wouldn’t be able to bring said beverage into another bar. Would you?

Overall it was a good time but then again I could have a good time at a funeral as long as it was an open bar. I would defiantly recommend it as a place to meet before or after a game or concert.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 1:32 PM

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