100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Monday, July 16, 2007

15000 HITS!!!

Check it out ya'll!! Do you see that!! I just hit 15,000 hits tonight! YEA!! Can you smell book deal?! I'm not going to go into a lot of detail here, but as all bloggers know and all bloggers have, this comes from my stat counter (I use StatCounter). It counts the number of hits I get per day, week month and year (among other things) over the life of the blog!

So this is what I am going to do, I want to give a shout out to my fav blogs and commenter's without blogs. Because they seem to like me too.

Because I'm a gentleman I will start with the ladies and the one person that put me over the top of 15000 hits. The rest are in no particular order.

That's right Ladies and Gentlemen, Shea From A California Girl in Kansas was my 15000th visitor! (I've already thanked her privately,(hehe)) If you haven't read her stuff, 1) Are your retarded? 2) Are you stupid? 3) You obviously can't read and wouldn't know good writing if it sat on your face. This is not her first foray into blogging she had a blog that I started reading just as I was getting into blogging but just as I was getting my groove on she stopped. I thought it was me. I was all like, why did she stop? Was it me? Months of therapy have cured me of that stress now that she is back with her wit and charm. Furthermore she was my first friend on my new FACEBOOK.COM page. I'll always remember my first (on Facebook). Does that sound creepy? (See previous post below about facebook).

Heather from General Blather. Heather has never written a boring or lame post, EVER. Every single one of her post is funny and interesting. She has a GREAT scene of humor and has always "brought'in it", Every. Single. Time. I especially like her Nurse Follies. And I don't think it's any secret that I have a thing for nurses. What that thing is I don't know.

Faith from Uncommonly Frightening Sence Faith likes to write stories about pooping. Need I say more? I mean how could that not be AWESOME? I mean everyone does it. Now, I know what your thinking, pooping sounds like a subject only a guy could write about, well you'd be WRONG stinky WRONG! Everyone of her pooping stories are HILARIOUS! There have been many a time that I have had to stop reading and continue at home because I would be laughing out loud so hard (hehe hard). But it's not the only thing she wrights about. She also writes about those "stupid bitches" over at the Knot.com because she is getting married later this year. Plus she is an award winning blogger, voted Best Blog about Real Life from the Pitch in 2006. Why she doesn't pimp out this fact more often I don't know. Probably because she is not a jerk, like I am, I would be totally telling every single person I know, shit, I'd get t-shirts and coffee mugs made. One more thing about Faith one word, consistency, if she's working she always has a new post up 5 days a week just as I get back from lunch around one.

Erin (not my sister) from Erin in the Real World Erin started her blog a few months after I started this one. Her stories from her real life adventures are great she defiantly has a talent for story telling, and picture taking. I have to admit that I totally stole the whole entire idea of combining pics with my post. So THANKS ERIN! She recently updated her page and her new tag like is "The Hottest Pickle in K.C." which is weird for me to say but she really is. Even though my hatred for pickles has been well documented, and I really wish she would take that pic of those disgusting devil spawn pickles off her page. She post sporadically so I have to hit her page a few time a day (or like 10 times an hour but whatevar!) Her and I have similar interest and links to the some of the same pages like Best Week Ever and Pop Candy from Usatoday.com. She's some years younger than me so I don't know if us having the same websites on our blogs means that I am greatly immature or she is more mature. It's prolly me being immature but so what.

Kristine From FileGirl Kristine is a new commenter here on this blog (and a new myspace friend) but I've been reading her for quite a while. She always has good funny stuff. She also just had a birthday so give her some birthday love.

Heidi from Ms.Momma I can thank Heidi for one of my favorite post, because she interviewed me. Plus she was nominated for Best Photography Blog in the bloggers choice awards last year. Funny, funny stuff.

KC Sponge from Law School Bound Sponge (as I call her) is new to blogging, she only has 22 post in the short time that she has had a blog but before that she was a consistent commenter. Her pickup lines are so off the wall that they would never work, but I'm telling you, one of these days I'm gonna use one of them. And prolly get punched in the dick. Her comments on this blog have always brought a smile to my face and made my day better. She has been out of town for the last few weeks and my comments have suffered for it, which I don't like one bit.

Those are my favorite Lady Bloggers. You should check out all of the lady bloggers over there on the left panel. They are all kick ass chicks.

Now it's on to the Dudes.

Guys, your good too.

As always thanks for reading.

Peace out!


I'm just messing around.

The Dudes. Before I get to the dudes I must preface this with large and emphatic NO HOMO!

Emaw from 3 O'clock in the Morning Emaw and I are exact opposites, in that we are the exact same age. He went too and roots for K-state (BOOO) I root for KU (ROCK CHALK BABY, ROCK CHALK!!). He is married to a "supermodel wife" I think it's Elle Mcpherson but he won't say or post pics (jerk). I'm single. He has a little one, I don't have any kids. He always has good stuff some political, some just some strange news story, but always good and entertaining.

XO from Hip Suburban White Guy XO or tick-tack-do as I like to call him behind his back, has some really good post and some that just piss me off. But that is O.K. I don't have to agree with him. But the one thing that he always does is explain his point well and provides links to help uneducated fuckers like me understand his point. And to also disagree with his point of view. He always has good stuff. Plus I think he looks like a super villain from a comic book. And he always answers the people that comment on his post.

Tony from Tony's Kansas City I can't say enough about this Mexican. He above anyone else has helped me get to this point. From this totally embarrassing post (which I am still waiting to get laid from BTW) from his web site my hits went up and so did the creepy anonymous comments (read the comments from that post). Thanks Tony (I think). I don't have a problem with his post about politics, he certainly knows how to piss people off though. I get his jokes although I have to admit they are not always funny. But I do have to get this one thing in, he is a graduate of Bishop Miege which is my rival high school, I graduated from Bishop Ward and since I didn't graduate from college (isn't that obvious) that's all I have to give someone shit about. Cyclones Rule and The Stags drool! Or as we always liked to yell "MIEGE SUCKS!! Also there are more Mexicans and or Latinos at Bishop Ward than Bishop Miege has ever had in their existence. (No I did not look that stat up). Furthermore, Bishop Ward is the reigning 5 time baseball 4a state Champions! What has Bishop Miege ever won five times straight? Tony also just passed a major blogging miles stone of 9000 post go read all of them. I'm just a few behind him this is post number 263 go back and read all of them before you go read all of Tony's.

Again, I would like to reiterate NO HOMO!

The Family - Ya'll aren't that sneaky, I know one of you comment here your not fooling anyone. But why is it so hard for the rest of you to obey my one request? GAH! Comment here if your going to comment. Please for the love of God!

Real Life Friends - Ya'll just need to start commenting WTF? Chrissie! Your my lone real life friend that comments. Thanks for all your comments you keep my comment count up! (wink, wink).

Thanks again to everyone that comes in and reads my rambling thoughts and happenings. It really means a lot. And if I forgot anyone it's because it's after midnight and I'm tired, not because you don't rule! Cause you do!

Peace out!

Now, go join my myspace page and my facebook page!

(I thought this was going to be short?)