100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Weekend Randoms

Howdy Folks! How was everybody’s weekend? Good I hope. Mine was pretty uneventful so this might be short for a change.

On Friday, I went to the gym and broke all previous records. I ran non stop starting at 7.0 mph for 1 mile. Then I went up to 7.2 mph at the 2nd mile. At the 3rd mile I went up to 7.5 mph which is 8 min per mile. At 3½ mile I had to take it back down to 7.2 mph. My total time/distance was 4 miles with a total time of 33.0 minuets exactly. That works out to 8¼ minuets per mile. Which is a vast improvement from previous time and total distance ran at a single time. So I am pretty happy about that. Which also turned out to be the highlight of the weekend.

Saturday I was pretty sore, which I usually am after a run like that. My calves were killing me. So I did a whole lot of nothing that day. Watched a couple of movies on USA network and just screwed around the house all day. I watched the
Bourne Identity, with Matt Damon, I had seen it before but it was a pretty good flick. Then I took a 2½ hour nap, which was pretty sweet!!

On Saturday night I stayed home and watched
National Treasure with Nicholas Cage. I have also seen it before but it kept me entertained even thought it was a lame movie.

Sunday was yard work, which I used to like to do but after 3 years of living in this house I am kinda getting tired of doing it but it is good exercise, I guess, at least that is what I keep telling myself.

Before I could get started cutting the grass I had to get ride of the gas that was left over from last summer (gas does go bad, and if you try to use bad gas you will screw up your engine, that’s a FACT!) I went to Quicktrip on Westport Road then to the
Ace Hardware (Remember Ace is the place BITCHES!) just up the street from there. Then to Sonic for some breakfast at 1 in the afternoon. At Ace I had to get some 2 cycle oil for the blower and the trimmer, the mower uses standard gas just like you put in your car but the leaf blower and the trimmer both have 2 cycle engines which means you have to add the oil to the gas. I also picked up some seed (no homo!) for the yard. I had some left over from last year but I don’t know if I could still use that or not. Besides a bag was only 10 bucks.

After I cut the grass I got out the trimmer. I tried for 30 minuets to get that fucker started and with a lot of cussing I gave in to the fact that it was dead and now I need a new trimmer. That trimmer only lasted 3 seasons and of course it’s just out of the warranty. So I have that going for me. Shit.

I started my taxes Sunday about 4:00 I was done my 7 but I think I must have missed something or screwed something up, because I own money this year, which just can’t be possible. So my brother the attorney is reviewing them now.

I have found a new template that I am going to switch to later this week I know I said I was going to do it last Saturday but my heart just was not in to it. I also know that I said I was going to put it to a vote, well that idea never worked out either. I have 2 posts I have started but have not yet finished that I hope to get posted later this week.

I am aware of the blogger meet up that is going on tomorrow at
Harry’s Country Club but I have not yet decided if I am going or not. If I do go then I will not be there until between 8:00 or 9:00. But, I probably should go at least to give the dudes the opportunity to punch me in the face, and the girls the opportunity to kick me in the nutz, for leaving offensive and inappropriate comments on their blogs. But Whatera! Besides why do I feel like the new kid in school and this is the freshman mixer where I will be the one dude that will not know anyone but everyone else will know everyone and non one will talk to me. Boo-who.

Why is it that some of the blogs in my
BlogRoll tell me when they have new post and some don’t? Furthermore, why is my blogroll sometimes working and sometimes not? Does anyone have another solution other than Blogrolling?

My monitor is totally screwed at home and it gets worse everyday. For example,
this guys site at work is mostly brown, but at home its black. And I can’t even read this dudes site because the text is so small it looks like wavy lines on a page of white paper, but at work its just fine.

I will be running out side tonight so if you are in the neighborhood of Mill Creek Park, or 45th and Roanoke around 5:30 or 6:00 please don’t run over me. Its a 4 mile route but it has some hills so I am shooting for a time of 35 min flat.

That is all I have to say about that! So much for short post, ya’ll have a great week and thanks for reading!