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100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Random's

Howdy folks, thanks for stopping by and reading. Our network is down at the office right now so I thought I would let every one know what I have been up too. The time is 1:08 p.m.

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I have been pretty down in the dumps since last week because of something that happened to me, but I am pretty much past that now.

I had been on a few dates with the Pharmacy Girl. I thought things were going well but not great, so I wasn’t putting any stock in a long relationship from the start. We really didn’t have a lot in common, but we did always have a good time going out having dinner and a few drinks. We never had any drunken make-outs or anything like that, just some kisses at the door step at the end of the night. Then one day last week she just decided to stop returning my phone calls. Then she called me a few days later and gave me the “we should just be friends speech”. Long story short I have not heard from her since. But it’s still a let down, mostly because she was really good looking. So I have that goin for me. BLA!

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Over the weekend I watched Saw 3, and Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

First up Saw 3: I am a fan or these types of movies with crazy twist at the end. (One of my favs is The Usual Suspects, if you have not see it, see it, you won't be disappointed.) But this movie was REALLY gory in one scene this doctor drills a hole in this dudes brain, which is about my limit as far a gory movies go. I won’t give any thing away, but just like the other two Saw movies there is a crazy twist at the end. But out of all 3 of these releases the first one was the best.

Next up is Ricky Bobby: HI-LARIOUS!! I could not say enough things about this movie. The scene at the dinner table with his kids (Walker and Texas Ranger) is a classic. This movie also has some of the best movie lines ever. A couple examples are: “If we wanted our kids to be pussies we would have called them Doctor Quinn and Medicine Woman”… Or “I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!! Just to name a few. Defiantly a winner in my book.

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On Sunday the fellas (Mr. Awesome, Reggie and Scooter) and I went to the Brigade game. Reggie has season tickets, his seats are in the end zone opposite of where the teams come out on the field, on the 3rd row from the field. So the cheerleaders are right in front of us. I like the seats for that reason, plus I can look down there tops. But for some reason my friends don’t even look at them, they just look at the field or the ceiling the whole time. I keep pointing out the hottest cheerleaders but they don’t want to look, they just mumble something about loving their wives, or some other crazy stuff. The Coors lite party zone is right next to us. I recorded the game and watched it later, and we definitely made it on T.V a couple of times.

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Remember that storm we had last Wednesday? Apparently some dude got so pissed off that he missed his fav television show that he created a web site called FIREKATIE.COM, which is just totally over reacting to her storm coverage. IMO

FireKatie.com has a link to this post in his link section so now I am getting alot of hits. Now if I could just find away for some of those people to come back on a regular basis I would be doing pretty good. But most are just reading that post and then leaving. (They obviously don't know what they're missing). Some of the talk radio stations have also been talking about it, and Arron Barnhart wrote an article about it on Tuesday and Wednesday in Tuesdays K.C. Star.

The time is now 2:10 p.m.

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Next Wednesday I am going to use a gift card that I got from my friend Lonnie Anderson as a Christmas present and buy some new jeans. I am also going to try to convince her to also use her employee discount, but I think that might be a stretch.

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I am down to 192 1/4 lbs now. I think it’s going to be really tough for me to make 185 lbs before March 16th. That’s 7 1/4 lbs in 9 days. Tough, really tough.

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I hit a concrete pillar the other day in our parking garage at work. When I hit it I yelled, “MOVE, YA STUPID POLE!!!” What I didn’t realize was that about 5 of my co-workers saw and heard me, and started laughing their asses off at me. That was a good day. Or course I hit it on purpose just so I could get a laugh, cause you know that's how I roll.

The time is now 3:00 and the network is back up.

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Don’t forget St. Pattys day is a week from Saturday. I'll be down at Kelly’s before noon. So stop by if you want too. I will be the awesome dude in green.

Talk to ya’ll later

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 8:13 PM

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