Blogcrowds Blogger Template

100 Facts That You Didn't Know About The D

1. The D doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under The D.

2. The D can delete the Recycling Bin.

3. When The D goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but The D says its beef, then it's beef.

5. Whenever The D plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

6. When The D deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. The D can slam revolving doors.

8. Once a cobra bit The D's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.The D can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

10. Giraffes were created when The D uppercut a horse.

11. The D is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.

12. The D was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13. On his birthday, The D randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

14. The D can speak braille.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for The D.

16. The D once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that The D was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. The D can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

18. The D doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

19. The D does not sleep. He waits.

20. The D once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

21. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, The D ate Kobayashi.

22. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear The D laughing at you.

23. The D died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The D could use to kill you, including the room itself.

25. The D sleeps with a night light. Not because The D is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The D.

26. The D is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

27. The D's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools The D.

28. The D always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

29. The D is the only one who can "try this at home."

30. The D beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.

31. The D's blood type is WD-40.

32. If The D wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

33. The D played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

34. The last man who made eye contact with The D was Ray Charles.

35. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that The D's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

36. You are what you eat. That is why The D's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. The D owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

38. Circles exist because The D beat the crap out of some squares.

39. The D had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere The D went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

40. The D was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

41. The D invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

42. Getting murdered by The D counts as a natural cause of death.

43. When The D plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

44. The D destroyed the periodic table, saying The D only recognizes the element of surprise.

45. The D puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

46. The D counted to infinity - twice.

47. The D can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

48. Only once has The D ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

49. The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from The D and forgot to pay him back.

50. The D's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

51. The D and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

52. The D once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

53. The D irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

54. The D once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however The D still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

55. The D wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

56. The D knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

57. Onions do not make The D cry. The D makes onions crap themselves.

58. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, The D wins.

59. The D was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

60. The D can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

61. The D was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

62. On a high school math test, The D put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because The D solves all his problems with Violence.

63. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to The D and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

64. The D doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

65. The D does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

66. The D invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

67. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be The D.

68. Crop circles are The D's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down and shut the fuck up!.

69. The D does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. The D goes killing.

70. The D does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction.

71. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because The D is going to walk.

72. When The D enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

73. The only time The D was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

74. The D has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

75. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to The D."

76. Superman owns a pair of The D pajamas.

77. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of The D, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

78. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals The D has found too chewy to eat.

79. When The D gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

80. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped The D's house one Christmas.

81. The D has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

82. Weeping Willows are a result of The D yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when The D punched himself in the face.

84. The D can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

85. The D is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.

86. The D became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

87. The D's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because The D will not take crap from anyone.

88. The D sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

89. The D can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

90. The D used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

91. The D is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

92. The D doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: The D was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

94. The D can kill two stones with one bird.

95. The D can tie his shoes with his feet.

96. The D is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

97. The D can make a paraplegic run for his life.

98. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures The D allows to live.

99. When The D gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

100. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The D has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Weekend, Weigh-in

WEEKEND

Who ever invented 6:00a on a Saturday should be shot. I absolutely HATE, HATE!! waking up early on the weekends. I hate it almost as much as pickles, and my hatred for pickles has been well documented.

I worked from 7a-10p on Saturday. That is 15 hours for those of you who are counting. Who does that? I am a single young hip happin' dude! Why am I stuck at the office for that long, much less on a Saturday? I will tell you why because no one else will do it, that's why. I work with a bunch of fucking slackin' losers. How some of these fuckers got jobs here or graduated college I will never know. I have submittal on Tuesday at 5p and if it is not finished I am going to be fucked. And not in the good pornographic way, more like the horror movie way.

I missed a Halloween party that some friends of mine always have, but of course they all called me drunk some where between 1am and 3 am telling me how awesome the parry was but when I talked to them today and asked how many single women were there that all said "None, zip zilch, nada" And that is why I don't go to any of their parties. There are never any single girls (when I say single girls I mean SINGLE girls as in no boyfriend or anything) there nothing but couples. Why would I want to go someplace where there would be zero chance of me getting laid when I can go to a bar and have at least some chance of gettin' some. Or at least meeting someone. Am I right?

On Sunday I only went in for about 5 hours before the Chiefs game.

***************************************

WEIGHT-IN

For those of you that are new to my web site, first thanks for coming, stay as long as you like. But remember to pick up after yourself.

O.k. so to give you first timers a quick recap I got on the scale on August 15 I was 235 lbs. So I quite smoking and went on a diet. But I hurt my leg playing kick ball so I put the exercise on hold until it healed. I was just eating healthy and doing some really light working out. After the leg healed I stared to walk 4 miles a day which took me about one hour and 15-20 minuets. With the money that I saved from no longer smoking I was able to join a gym. On October 1st I joined a gym. I was 220 1/2 lbs. I had lost 15 pounds in about a month and a half. I was very pleased. So I set a goal of getting under 200 lbs before December 1st.

Fast forward to today, the mid term report, if you will. I was feeling real uneasy about this weight in, because I really had no idea what would happen. I was worrying about it so much that I threw up at home after work this morning while I was packing my gym bag (which in retrospect was a prolly good thing). How would I react if I was under 200 already or within just a few pounds. Would I start to cry because of my awesomeness? Would I start screaming that I am the most awesome person in the world? What would I do if I had only lost a few pounds? Would I lose it and go postal breaking everything in the locker room, and the jump out of the 23rd story window, or slice my throat with a piece of glass for the mirror?

Are you tired of reading this and what to get to the results?

So here are the results.... today, Sunday October 29th 2006 at 12:37 p.m central daylight time I weight in at... two hundred and eleven (211) pounds.

(deep breath)

I don't know how I feel about this number. On one had I am happy that I have made some progress, but on the other I am disappointed that I did not lose more. I have been busting my ass for a month I am in the gym Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and one day on the weekend. But it is progress and it I will just kick it in to over drive.

The new goal is going to be 200 lbs by November 24th that is the day that Aphrodite is coming in town. I have 4 weeks to lose more that 15 pounds we will shoot for 196. I lost 11 pounds in 5 weeks so this will be a really big effort to make this mark. Plus I have my 36th birthday on the 14th and Thanksgiving just one day before the due date. I will just have to work out more maybe add some light weight training.

I have won this battle but the war is still undecided. It's a marathon not a sprint.

Have a good week.

Scribbled down by "The D" Tango Charlie of this post 7:14 PM

Categories (because I'm organized and shit) ,

Subscribe to: Comment Feed (RSS)